Filed under: Arts, family, life, music, tv | Tags: amanda holden, britain's got talent, itv, piers morgan, simon cowall, talent, talent show
Yes, I know, I should be reading Proust or old speeches by Churchill or the history of the Ming Dynasty or something similar, but this week I’ve watched quite a bit, but not all, of Britain’s Got Talent.
And, you know what, despite some of it being truly awful, it is actually a heartelt and great piece of TV.
This is what ITV is invented for and why it still exists.
Simon Cowall calms it down; Piers Morgan grows even more likeably into his public persona, free of the shackles of editorship, and Amanda Holden is just a genuinely nice person that usuallly reflects the mood of the public.
I like this programme.
A truly adorable young lad, bullied at school, and singing soprano won on Monday night and must be the favourite.
Tonight a 12 year old schoolgirl (also a soprano) won by miles. It has to be said she does not look or act like a 12 year old. 26? OK, I’ll buy that.
My money’s on the boy.
Filed under: Arts, advertising, life, motors, stories, tv, videos, work | Tags: andy barnes, channel 4, channel 4 live tv ad, honda, live, live tv ad, tv ad
10 minutes ago Honda aired the first ever, modern day, live TV ad on Channel 4.
It was brave. It was creative. It was kinda flawed, but in a good way.
A bunch of skydivers jumped out of two planes and joined up in formation to, letter by letter, spell out H, O, N, D , A.
The cynics will snipe. I thought it was great though.
Why?
Because it was all, ALL, about risk. Only risk-taking clients get risk-taking ads. Only risk-taking ads make you famous.
Risk-taking is difficult but as Honda says “Difficult is worth doing.” It was.
Honda is famous and gets all the great ads, as a client, that it deserves.
That’s why it is the UK’s best client.
I salute you Honda.
The shame is that the ad said check it out at Honda.co.uk. I did. It ain’t there. Or at least it ain’t very easy to find. Doh.
Dad would have been 72 tomorrow, Friday.
It’s at times like this that it strikes you how much you miss him. He’d have been in his element at some point over the weekend as we held a BBQ for him.
Him, pretending he didn’t want to be the centre of attention and loving every minute of it.
Me, telling Big Gagy Morrison not to swear too much – they always fell out at his parties – the lovable rogues that they are.
At some point over the night he’d have pulled a face like this
It’s amazing how redolent this photo of him is. His character. His individuality. I’m feeling very sad now. I have to go.
Filed under: Rants, business, humour, jokes, life, stories, the apprentice, tv | Tags: Alan sugar, sir alan
The Apocalyptic Sophocles popped off in a cataclysmic and apostatic apology tonight.
And so say all of us.
The creep was a man, or so he would have liked to be known!
But, actually he was just a wee jumped up Raef-loving titty boy junior.
Hurrah though, he’s gone. And so we can concentrate on the remaining dross.
Lee. Whao big boy. Well hard. Treated Lucinda like shit and must have lost the female vote. I’ve long argued that he’s Danger Man.
Lucinda. Great team leader. Absolute shit team player. I mean, come on, she stood in Central London asking people if they’d heard of a Zonda. Fair enough I suppose, but she was selling a bloody Aston Martin.
Helene. Not great. Superbitch early doors till the cameras turned on her. Can’t win.
Clair. The revelation of the series. Done a Badger and learned that if you are a total cow, everyone hates you and you don’t get the job. The Badger, of course, ran up against Sir Alan’s fancy bit and didn’t get the job. Well, he must have fancied her ‘cos she was useless. Claire has the advantage that the only blonde left is Lucinda and she’s on a well shoogly peg.
Alex. Tosspot. Period.
So, where does that leave me?
5th Helene
4th Alex
3rd Lucinda
2nd Lee
Winner Claire.
Feel free to contradict.
The leftovers are below…
Filed under: Uncategorized
My sister is trying her best to get a job At Paignton Zoo as a Veterinary nurse. Jeana told my mother in law this and Cath responded.
“Ooh, that’s an awfy big job isn’t it?”
“What is?” Asked Jeana.
“Painting the zoo!”
Filed under: Hibees, Rants, Scotland, football, humour, jokes, life | Tags: 106 years, 106 years of failure, Hibees, Hibs, Scottish Cup, Scottish FA Cup, the cabbage
Although it pains me to say so. This is very funny.
Click here.
Filed under: Arts, Scotland, life, photography, stories | Tags: crocs, garden, sleep, snooze
We had a really nice wander around the Suntrap Garden yesterdy. And then I went for a wee snooze.
Filed under: Arts, Scotland, WordPress, gardening, life, stories, work | Tags: artisans, artistic furniture, artists, carpentry, chrris holmes, craftsmen, elm burr elm, furniture, scottish carpenters, scottish furniture, scottish furniture makers
So, we’ve had a lovely wee trip to the Suntrap Open Day in the beautiful May sunshine when on the way back, crossing over the A9 on the RBS Bridge we spot this little beauty.
“Let’s investigate.” I ventured, and so we did.
Having crossed a dried out mud patch, which it transpired is the first cut of the final leg of the tram track, we entered the grounds of a lovely wee churchyard which, it turns out, is the workshop of Chris Holmes a “maker-designer of furniture in native timbers”. And three other woodworkers, who, unfortunately weren’t present. In actual fact Chris is an artist of considerable talent.
As you can see here.
And here. (This is actually a plan chest with sculptings of hills in the Scottish borders which double up as the handles of the chest.)
Greeted by a vociferous but fairly numptyish black lab who’s bark surely was worse than its bite Chris came out of the church to find out what had stirred the old pooch into life. He welcomed us into his workshop and then spent a very pleasant 20 minutes or so talking about Burr Elm, showing us photos of his work and sharing tips on how to start a blog on WordPress.
The bottom line is, if you ever want beautiful crafted Scottish native wood furniture. Chris Holmes is yer men.
Here he is at work
Filed under: Rants, Scotland, big brother, business, family, humour, life, politics, stories, work | Tags: big business, compliaining, consumer champion, consumer rights, consumers, corporates, insurance, insurance rip off, insurance scams, insure, letters of compliant, nationwide building society, never give up, the nationwide
I’ve been meaning to let you all know that my run in with Nationwide Building Society, which became really quite heated at times, was finally resolved last week with a cash settlement that roughly approximates to the amount of money that I should have been paid for compensating my holiday claim last year – for which I got not a groat.
The kitchen? We can live with it the way it is. (Chuckle.)
I had a variety of opinions expressed to me both in the comments section of my posts and in person. Most of which were supportive, encouraging me not to give up. Some that were critical, saying I was wasting my time writing to junior staff and urging escalation at a higher level and some saying I was just just a cheeky and smart arsed get and wouldn’t receive a penny because they thought the insurance “call centre” staff were just having a laugh at my expense.
Well, I pretty much knew what I was doing. I had an escalation plan – which I didn’t have to put into place, and several thousand people read about the unreasonable attitude of the self-proclaimed people’s champions of the banking world, Nationwide, and saw the reality of their business practice.
All I’ll say now is that when faced with the bullyboy, look the other way, tactics of big business. Don’t give up. Fight on. Paint them into a corner by challenging everything they say (or more to the point, don’t say). It might just work out in the long run.
Me, I’m off to book my holidays. Now, I wonder how much insurance I should take out.
Filed under: Scotland, football, humour, life, sports, stories | Tags: Cup final, dooonhamers, qos, Queen of the south, Rangers, Scottish Cup, Scottish FA Cup
Old Firm commentators always make patronising comment about the cup final opponent that one or other of them usually faces. “Aye, at least it’ll be a grand day out for the Hibs fans” they mutter in a fug of unfocussed condesention. But they’re wrong. Totally wrong. It is horrific getting to cup semis/finals only to, yet again, lose out to one of the Weegie tanks, armed, usually, with a clutch of that year’s crop of your best young talent.
So, imagine how dismissive they are of the visit of Queen of the South; yes, that’s right, Queen of the South to meet the mighty Rangers FC. Sure, the Doonhamers won the Challenge cup in 2002, but the trophy they won before that was The 1936 Algiers Invitational tournament and before that the 1922 Southern Counties Consolation Cup.
That’s grim.
They’ve only ever reached one Scottish Cup semi final before last month, and lost. But now the unthinkable has happened. Not only are they in the final but they face Rangers FC.
It’ll be an anihilation right?
I’m not so sure
Let’s look at the facts.
First off. Rangers are shit.
Second, they’re sick as dogs at losing two trophies in a week as this amusing visual interpretation of winning the quad(ruple) demonstrates.
Third, they can’t score gooals and I don’t just mean in Europe. If you take out their 6 – 0 thrashing of East Stirling in January (long considered Scotland’s worst team) they’ve only scored five goals in the following 5 games in thios year’s cup run. Beating the Cabbage 1 -0 in a replay, Partick Thistle 2 – 0 in a replay and St Johnstone 4-3 on penalties after extra – time in the semis.
Meanwhile, after gubbing Peterhead 5 – 0 in the opening round QoS have scored 12 (in 2 games fewer) including 4 against Linlithgow, 2 against both Morton and Dundee and an amazing 4 against Aberdeen. Indeed Aberdeen are the only team to score against them in the cup ,whereas both Partick Thistle and St Johnstone (from the same league as QoS) did so against Rangers.
There is not a neutral in Scotland who does not want QoS to win this match. Myself included.
And my own view is that it is possible, although (aside from final match performances) Rangers have had the luck of the gods with them all year long so don’t count out an extra time (or even penalties win).
It would be even more ‘romantic than Cardiff’ last week, which sadly never came to pass.
The odds are attractive at Wm Hill
I’m going to stick my neck out and say it’ll be 1 -1 at full time with QoS scraping through 2-1 in Extra time.
‘mon the South
Filed under: Rants, advertising, business, humour, jokes, life, stories, the apprentice, tv, work | Tags: Alan sugar, raef, sir alan sugar, you're fired
OK.
So, tittyboy Raef (he could never win on account of being a total and utter twat) lost out on a harsh one. But, I didn’t think it was a very fair task, and the judgement criteria seemed a little random.
I think Lucinda was on her dabs ‘cos she kept shrieking at everyone – neverheless she reains my idea of the winner although Claire (Clur) is debooting hereself dramatically – perhaps she too was on her dabs for the first 7 weeks and I think she has, Badgerlike, got herself back into the running.
If the truth be told Sophocles should have been front of the queue. He is tittyboy squared.
As Pete and Iain said this morning. “Michael’s a wee shite.”
But, you know what Raef?
“See ya, wouldnae wanna be ya.`’
Not a great episode.
Filed under: football, humour, life, sports, stories, tv | Tags: Champions League Final, Chelsea, football strips, lower case, man u, Man utd, manchester utd
My mate Kenneth Fowler who writes all of his rather excellent blog in lower case and all his comments on my blog in lower case phoned me at half time last night full of excitement because the Chelsea players’ names on their strips were in lower case as had been both Zenit St Petersburg’s and Rangers’. And, of course Zenit won – in lower case.
“That means Chelsea (sorry chelsea) are going to win” he predicted
Well, chelsea lost kenneth and MAN UTD WON. so that’s the end of that little theory
In future could you please follow the English language code and post in upper and lower case on my blog. You make it untidy!
Filed under: football, humour, jokes, life, photography, sports, stories | Tags: champions league penalty miss, Chelsea, john terry, slip
I was sent this 10 minutes ago. Terry’s probably still on the plane…
Filed under: football, sports | Tags: Champions League, Chelsea, Man utd, manchester utd, uefa champions league
It was a geat, throbbing Champions league final between the British giants. At least there were some British players on the pitch.
Man U destroyed Chelsea in the first half but to their credit Chelsea dominated the second.
But maybe it was a night of destiny? Too many coincidences?
The 50th Anniversary of the Munich Air Disaster, which marked Britain’s early dominance in Europe (The Cabbage were right up there though).
Sir Bobby, at trackside, surviving the Munich air disaster and then going on to lift the cup in 1968, only a year after Celtic.
Ryan Giggs, the ultimate professional, beating Sir Bobby’s atttendance record in such a momentous match.
Sir Alex, winning a European trophy in his third decade running and inspiring a great team to greatness.
And Ronaldo, scores a beauty and misses Man U’s only penalty. Can you conceive of how unfair a postscript on his season that would have been?
It were a roller coaster.
And at the end of the day you have to say: it was style over wallet.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Bugger. Wish I’d had a bet
,
As I predicted 2 hours ago Man U would take lead and Chelsea Equalise. Ok, I got the scorers wrong. Here’s hoping part two comes true.
Man U win 4 – 1.
Truth is, I think it needs a readjustment, so my betting in running is 2 – 1 Man U with Ronaldo sealing a double.
Filed under: football, life, sports, tv | Tags: Champions League, Champions League Final, Chelsea, Man utd, Red Devils, Uefa
Champion’s League Final. Man U are too good I hope.
Scholes scores the opener.
Some Huddie, probably Drogba Equalises.
Extra Time.
Rooney gets the first, Ronaldo follows up. Tevez Makes it four.
The Red Devils triumph 4 – 1.
Filed under: Jeana's Gardening, Scotland, gardening, life, photography, work | Tags: days out, flowers, gardening, plants, suntrap open day
We’ve all been busy at Suntrap getting ready for the annual open day next Sunday. If you’d like to visit it’s on between 10.30 am and 4.30 pm.
There will be demonstrations on how to plant up hanging baskets and containers. Of course, if you can’t be bothered with the hassle of doing it yourself you could simply buy one. There’s also a demonstration from the Scottish Bonsai Association who house their collection of bonsai’s at Suntrap.
You might simply just fancy a stroll through the grounds looking at the beautiful plants and statues.
Or have a wee seat with a cup of tea and some home baking and watch the world go by. Whatever, we’d love to see you there. If you would like more information have a look at the blog.
Filed under: football, life, sports, stories | Tags: Cardiff, Cardiff City, FA Cup, portsmouth
Wouldn’t it be nice if Cardiff City took the FA Cup out of England on Saturday?
Nothing against Portsmouth because if they win it takes it out of the big 4.
Me though?
I’m with my Celtic cousins.
Filed under: Scotland, golf, humour, jokes, life, sports, stories | Tags: arran, golf
“Fingers twitch over keyboard.
Mind wanders off to the wilderness of Arran.
As the prospect of conflict weighs heavy.
On the soul.
Bring it on.
The Auchrannie Quaich.
To the victor. The spoils.”
Yes. I’m off in search of the trophy. Shame I’m pish at golf.
I will, of course, win best dressed man.
Filed under: Rants, business, humour, jokes, life, stories, the apprentice, tv, work | Tags: alan sugar apprentice, michael sophocles, sir alan
Ok. Let’s get Raef out of the way early.
He dressed up like this…
…to sell thongs.
Prick.
He said “People who are size 16 are that size for a reason, because they eat cake.” Well, as Marie Antoinette said “Let him eat cake.” Tittyboy. (She didn’t say the last bit).
Aside from that he was just your average run of the mill, run of the mill posh contestant.
Lucinda, on the other hand, rises above her poshness increasingly and is my current idea of the winner.
Claire has been on a “debooting” regime and is becoming not only marginally likeable but a contender too.
Michael Sophocles however is the real villian of the piece this, and pretty much every, week.
When, having gained a six hour “passion” for selling Wedding cakes, someone said no to his extremely hard sell approach that lacked entirely in sympathy, he exclaimed “You’re making a mistake. I mean God above…” and then gave the camera a wee insight by claiming they were all “dum dums.” Takes one to know one Michael.
Frankly there is only one word for this tosspot.
“Goodbye.”
I don’t like this little nyaf very much. He has a habit of making you want to punch him, very hard, very often, in the testicles and follow that up with a bit of bashing them between breeze blocks.
Sarah had to go, in due course, but not this week.
Her only crime was averageness.
Whatever.
Filed under: Scotland, football, life, sports | Tags: Celtic, celtic fc, tommy burns
I can hardly believe that Tommy Burns has passed away. Tommy was not an old man (only 52) and was First team coach and head of the Celtic Youth Academy until he was taken ill. Tommy was certainly worthy of the title “Celtic legend” and was a thoroughly decent man. Who can forget him going a whole season undefeated (or maybe he lost only one game?) and yet not winning the title as Celtic manager during the reign of King Walter
It was well known that he had been suffering from cancer but I was unaware of how serious the situation was. What a terribly sad piece of news and it renders reports on last night’s Rangers match versus Zenit St Petersburg redundant.
Amy has worked incredibly hard for the last year in preparation for her exams and off she slunk at 8.45 this morning for her first Highers exam; English. She’s sitting five in total including Art, Maths, Geography and Chemistry.
Good luck Amy.
Filed under: Jeana's Gardening, Scotland, Suntrap Garden Centre for Lifelong Learning, family, gardening, work
If you’re thoughts are turning to the garden and what to plant this year.
Will I have hanging baskets or containers, or will I just stick to cutting the grass?
Why not come along to the Gyle this Saturday or Sunday between 10 am and 4 pm, all activities free of charge.
Carole Baxter of Beechgrove Garden fame is headling up a Flower Power weekend with garden advice and plant clinics. However, more importantly, Suntrap Garden will be there showing you how to plant your hanging baskets and containers.
There will also be lots of activites for the kids with a stilt-walker, table decorations to be made and lots more.
I’m not especially adept at Chinese, either written or spoken, myself; not having any Chinese clients and all that. And the Chinese aren’t that good at English either, on the whole, so given that the world is about to descend on Bejing maybe these sorts of oversights might be better off fixed.
Things like this….
and this
and this
and this
Filed under: Scotland, golf, humour, life, sports | Tags: club golf, dundas park
My golf, as regular readers will know, is a mixture of disappointment and disaster mixed up with a smattering of anger, frustration and bad luck.
I am never, ever lucky and when push comes to shove I always lose on the last – like last week in the club doubles. Add to this the fact that, on account of my putting so badly on Sunday, my putter is now in putter hospital (ICU) I was not feeling overly confident about beating my mate ‘Senor (El Bandirto ) Chris Rough’ in the Club Handicap championship first round
When he announced that, far from his handicap being cut because of his Mexican tendencies, it had just gone UP and consequently I was faced with the challenge of giving him a full six strokes my heart sank.
Disaster loomed.
Sure enough, I quickly surrendered an early lead to go one down but scrambled to the turn all square.
Neither of us were playing the beautiful game. In fact it was like an East Stirling v Dumarton relegation play off match. Huff, puff and a lot of fecking swearing.
But gradually Chris succumbed to my pressure (Actually he just drove like Nikki Lauda – on the burny day) and I found myself on the 16th tee two up. Sure enough, he won the 16th to take it back to one and somehow I managed to grind out a half, despite giving him a stroke, on the 17th.
Dormy one.
All there to lose.
Chris hit his best drive of the night to the par three 18th (20 feet from the pin). I hit a piece of shit to 40 yards, left, in the rough. My second was so-so leaving me a 15 foot downhill putt from off the green. Chris, meanwhile, was 10 feet away from a three.
That was when life deviated from the script. The pin removed; Gorman stood over the 15 footer, gently nudged the ball holeward and with the very final roll of the ball it dropped.
Victory.
Poor old Chris. How will he ever live it down!
Filed under: football, humour, jokes, life, photography, sports, stories | Tags: bias, Craig Levien, Dundee Utd, huns, Mike McCurry, ragers bias, Rangers, ref, referee, SFA, the union, union jack
After all the fuss about referee Mike McCurry’s performance in the Rangers v Dundee Utd match last Saturday the SFA is in no position to defend his behaviour as this photo of the linesman demonstrates.
Filed under: Scotland, humour, jokes, life, politics, stories, work | Tags: broxburn, councillors, fauldhouse, inbreeding, six finger land, west lothian
Doh!
Apparently a West Lothian councillor has had to apologise after claims she referred to Fauldhouse as a town of inbreeds. Hailing from Broxburn, Councillor Ellen Glass was in safe territory as it takes one to know one.
Although I guess I shouldn’t say that as half of my family originated from Broxburn.
Apparently she raised the issue at a health meeting, saying she was worried because of inbreeding in the town, before being told to “shut it” by her colleagues.
What a cracker.
Filed under: Youtube, gigs, music, photography | Tags: jazz, melody gardot, wearisome heart
Saw this cracking new Jazz singer at The Voodoo Lounge last night. She was knocked over by a Jeep a couple of years ago which has affected both her sight and her ability to walk, vbut this just addsan air of mystique to her personality.
She performed a very intimate (short) set with her band consisting of trumpet, drums and bass under two fixed red spots which gave it a really old fashioned Jazzy feel. all it needed was for everyone in the audience to be smoking and we’d have been transported to a New York Basement Bar circa 1956.
Anyway, a superb singer that had the fortune not to have been beaten by the ugly stick.
To be honest I thought the choice of live songs meant she was better live than she is on her album; Worriesome Heart.
But it’s pretty good nonetheless.
Filed under: Rants, Scotland, independence, jokes, life, politics, stories, work | Tags: Annabel Goldie, gordon brown, Holyrood, Independence Referendum, Labour, Lib Dem, political meltdown, referendum, Scottish Independence, Scottish Labour Party, Scottish Politics, tories, Wendy Alexander
I’ve been itching to write about this for months but have been worried about displaying political niaivety. However, even I cannot be accused of that in the face of Wendy Alexander’s kindergarten politics
It would seem that in attempting to raise a referendum bill she is simply not permitted to do so by Holyrood protocol because Smiley Alec Salmond beat her to it! Now that’s a silly wee mistake to make. Just like accepting £900 of unrecorded political support was.
But by taking a personal independence agenda into the public domain at total odds with the Labour party in Millbank she has managed to piss off Gordon Brown and most of the National Executive of the Labour Party, the Scottish Labour Party, John Prescott, The Lib Dems – who may or may not be Labour’s allies – and most amusingly of all, the Scottish Tory Leader, Annabel Goldie, who sees her behaviour as tantamount to destroying the Union.
Needless to say Alex Salmond must think he’s died and gone to heaven.
But what underpins this ‘car crash’ politics? I think it must be ego. She is well known for having zero people skills and has dodged and ducked her way through political minefields for a while and bottled a leadership contest with Jack McConnell.
She’s just not good enough. Intellectually brilliant perhaps: as the author of the Smart Successful Scotland strategy I have to say I admired the way in which this document seemed to lucidly capture the issues facing the nation. But her job is not an academic one, it’s a political one and politics appears to be the least of her talents.
A bit of a handicap as a party political leader.
You know what Wendy?
As Sir Alan should be urging Big Goggsy to say…
“You’re fired!”
Filed under: golf, humour, life, sports, stories | Tags: bad weather, dundas parks, golf, golf in the rain, greensomes, lightning, rain
This was the scene that greeted us on the first at Dundas Parks Golf Course today as we teed up for the Club championship doubles.
Frankly, it was uninviting.
But we didn’t hesitate. Twice we had to come off the course as the lightning pelted the course left right and centre. But the game must go on.
And, sure, it rained a bit.
A lot actually.
Like Gladiators. myself and Dick Whittock, a nice older guy from Kirkliston (known locally as Cheesetown) built up a two hole advantage, ground out over the first ten holes only to play like a couple of fannies on the 11th to go back to one up.
By the 13th it was all square as Trevor Jones sank putt after putt. And his playing partner, Douglas was rock solid throughout.
And level was how it remained until the 17th when they snuck into the lead. The damage was done. A half on the 18th meant dreams of trophy lifting in the Greensomes will have to wait until 2009.
Bummer.
