I’ve been itching to write about this for months but have been worried about displaying political niaivety. However, even I cannot be accused of that in the face of Wendy Alexander’s kindergarten politics
It would seem that in attempting to raise a referendum bill she is simply not permitted to do so by Holyrood protocol because Smiley Alec Salmond beat her to it! Now that’s a silly wee mistake to make. Just like accepting £900 of unrecorded political support was.
But by taking a personal independence agenda into the public domain at total odds with the Labour party in Millbank she has managed to piss off Gordon Brown and most of the National Executive of the Labour Party, the Scottish Labour Party, John Prescott, The Lib Dems - who may or may not be Labour’s allies - and most amusingly of all, the Scottish Tory Leader, Annabel Goldie, who sees her behaviour as tantamount to destroying the Union.
Needless to say Alex Salmond must think he’s died and gone to heaven.
But what underpins this ‘car crash’ politics? I think it must be ego. She is well known for having zero people skills and has dodged and ducked her way through political minefields for a while and bottled a leadership contest with Jack McConnell.
She’s just not good enough. Intellectually brilliant perhaps: as the author of the Smart Successful Scotland strategy I have to say I admired the way in which this document seemed to lucidly capture the issues facing the nation. But her job is not an academic one, it’s a political one and politics appears to be the least of her talents.
Apparently Switzerland invaded Lichtentein earlier this year, in March in fact, and it never even made the news. The truth is 170 Swiss soldiers, on routine, crossed the Lichty border in the middle of the night.
However, upon realising the mistake they immediately phoned the head of the Lichty fighting elite who had presumably slept right through it.
“Excuse me Adolf I em efredd ve heff invaded you.”
“It is not a problem Herr Cukoo clock, it vos our nicht off.”
“No vorries zen?”
“Nein, just keep it out of ze peppers”
“Vun uzzer zing Herr Adolf. Do you heff for cendles?”
“Four candles?”
“Nein For cendles. Ve have to dig a hole for ze ermy to fall into as ve er dieing of ze emberesment.”
If only the rest of the world could invade, by mistake, and make an emvbarrased call worrying that they had upset their dimiuitive neighbour.
I say, big up Switzerland. They might not be fighters but at least they’re not blighters!
Scotland dies Laughing.
Most would have been dead within minutes.
TRIBUTES are being paid to Scotland
this morning after the entire
country laughed itself to death.
The alarm was first raised at around
10pm last night as thousands of
phone calls and text messages went
unanswered.
Small groups of volunteers from
Berwick-Upon-Tweed and Carlisle
ventured north just after midnight
only to find houses full of dead
people gathered around still blaring
television sets. By dawn, as RAF helicopters flew
over deserted city streets, it was
clear that the whole country had
suffered a catastrophic abdominal
rupture.
Wayne Hayes, a special constable
from Northumberland, said: “We went
into one house in Dunbar and found
three men sitting on the sofa with
huge smiles on their faces, still
holding cans of 70 shilling. They
seemed to be at peace.”
He added: “In a house near Edinburgh
we found a man face down on the
living room floor with his trousers
and pants round his knees.
“It seems he may have been showing
his bare buttocks to the television
when he keeled over.”
Roy Hobbs, a civil engineer from
Northampton, said: “I got a call
from my friend Ian in Stirling at
about 9.50pm. “He was already laughing when I
answered the phone, but after about 25 minutes of the most vigorous and uncontrollable hilarity, everything
suddenly went very quiet.”
Moving tributes are already being
placed along the Scotland-England
border with many mourners opting to
leave a simple bag of chips or a
deep fried bunch of flowers.
The recently completed (in a fashion) M9 Spur which takes the A8000 out of the equation is a revelation to us Queensferry residents. The A8000 was the busiest road in Scotland between 7 am and 8pm 7 days a week so its bypassing has made a real and tangible difference. Look at this for proof if you need it.
This is 6.30 on Saturday night looking North.
And this is looking South…
In stark contrast, this is the shiny new, sort of completed, M9 Spur…
Chris, helpfully provides a GPS map for those of you who are getting a bit excited about this post. See his comments section.
