gibberish


Got a van? Got an ad campaign!

Years ago I was responsible for taking a brief from my then client, Edinburgh Zoo.

They wanted their logo put on the side of their new van.

“That’s surely a bit of a missed opportunity is it not?” I asked.

“Why?” was the response “It’s just a van.”

“No it’s not” was my firm retort. “It’s a poster. And what’s more the media cost of it is free.”

I asked them to leave it with me and not long after I presented them with the idea (created by Rufus Wedderburn, now at Newhaven Communications) of creating a visual gag which made it look as if a Rhino was being transported across Edinburgh and that its horn had burst through the van’s roof.

They bought it.  And here she is in all her glory.

It won every ad award going and the citizens (and visitors) of Edinburgh delighted in seeing it every time it passed through the street.



Like
September 2, 2011, 12:17 pm
Filed under: Arts, creativity, humour, jokes, motors | Tags: , ,



Metropolis II by Chris Burden

This is a beautiful piece of Installation art by LA artist Chris Burden.  I absolutely adore it.

It’s surreal, beautiful, captivating and mesmerising.

I wish I could go see it in real life.  Fall 2011 it opens in LA.  Go see.



Senna. The Cloverfield of Formula One movies

One would have thought that the best movie ever made about F1 (this one) would be full, wall to wall, of filmic pyrotechnics shot in the same way that FIFA commission world cup movies with super saturated, super slo-mo, super hi-def film set to a  super hi-fi sound track.

But it isn’t.

And there are two potential reasons for this. The first; artistic in that director, Asif Kapadia and Editor Chris King want it to eschew the flotsam of F1 and capture the essence of the man on a more personal level; the second for storytelling reasons.

I think it’s a bit of both because what makes this documentary so successful is it sets out to essentially tell us a right ripping yarn that’s not distracted by special effects.

I’m not an F1 buff.  I’m about average in terms of my on-off interest in the sport.  At the moment Bernie Ecclestone has successfully moved my button firmly to the off position.

So I don’t write this through rose tinted spectacles.  I comment only as a film lover.

This documentary is set in a golden era where the baddy was not Ecclestone (he barely appears) but the then F1 director. Jean Marie-Balestre, who’s almost xenophobic and certainly nepotistic support of fellow Frenchman Alain Prost is a key plot device.

Much of the film follows the central battle for supremacy between “the Professor” Prost and Senna and it’s fascinating.

Not once, but twice, were world championships decided on extremely dogy collisions between the two men.

This is discussed in an interview between Jackie Stewart and Senna in which Stewart (possibly the most arrogant Scotsman ever to have set foot on planet earth) challenges the fact that Senna has had more accidents than all of the previous World Champions put together.  Perhaps deliberately Senna responds modestly and calls him Stewart (in what looks like a put down that would have stuck in old big heads craw).

But the reason for the question is fundamental to the nature of Senna himself.  His sense of invincibility comes from his deep set belief in God, and this core motif is an important insight into the man and his motivation.

God should probably have been credited as a supporting actor role in the film.

What’s interesting is that virtually nothing of his private life is discussed in the movie.  Not even his brief relationship with, and engagement to, a 15 year old girl.  Because this is a film single-mindedly about man, machine and God.

The third reel which deals largely with his death and his legacy is heart rending.  The footage leading up to the ill fated moment at Imola in 1994 when God deserts him is so nerve-shredding that you cannot bear to see what is coming.  But when you do it is so brief and so brutal that it’s gone before you know it.  There are no reruns, no slo-mo, no gratuity.

He just dies.  And we move on. (Fighting back tears).

Ironically to the sight of Prost as pall bearer as a nation grieves and then, in the credits, we see that Prost is a Trustee of the Senna Foundation.

Ironic or poetic?  It’s hard to say.

No big budget pomp and circumstance, no overblown hero worshiping, just a right good story, well told and gripping from first frame to last.

So, fork out your hard earned cash and visit one of the limited number of cinemas where you can catch this wonderful film in what will almost certainly be a very brief run.

Oh, and not once do you hear either Damon Hill or Nigel Mansell utter a single word.

Another good reason to go.



Super Gran fact is stranger than fiction

Ok, so you’ll have seen this by now.

What I can’t get over is how utterly inept the robbers are.

They can’t weild hammers.

They can’t fend of grandmothers.

They can’t even see her coming in her bright red duffle coat.

They barely avoided a white van man.

They can’t ride scooters.

They can’t fight off a skinny, late on the scene, non-gran superhero.

They can’t choose clothes.

They can’t see what style in the 21st century is like.

They can’t live a life free of humiliation from here on in.

(It might be a hoax.)



I was run over by a snowplough this morning
December 24, 2010, 4:27 pm
Filed under: humour, jokes, life, motors, Scotland, stories | Tags: , ,

“Bastard”, I said, through gritted teeth.



New Bob Dylan Sat Nav launched
August 25, 2009, 7:03 am
Filed under: Arts, business, humour, jokes, life, motors, Rants, stories

bob-dylan

I don’t have the softest of spots for old Bob and I particularly don’t enjoy his overrated Radio Theme Show; which is kind of dull I think.  But I do like his spoken voice and would actually consider buying this.  It would drive me mad though as his laconic drawl would be a nightmare on more complicated instructions like…

“At the roundabout take the first exit then take a sharp right followed by a sharp left.”

Having failed to deliver the entire message before you’d reached the first exit he’d be chiming back at you.

“Hey dood, you messed up, but let’s chill out a bit.  Let’s go through that again…when you came on the roundabout in the first place man you shoulda hung a left at the first exit…No man you’ve just taken the second exit by mistake.  But hey no worries, just find a layby to pullover, take five, chill then revisit the highway by means of a U turn.  Head back to the roundabout and take that good old first exit again, which, by now dood, is the fourth exit then take that sharp right and a sharp left.  You got that?  No? Whatever man.  Let’s just cruise!”



Totally wondrous!
March 26, 2009, 10:21 am
Filed under: advertising, Arts, humour, jokes, life, motors, videos, Youtube | Tags: , ,

Please, please watch this .  It rocks!



My amazing daughter
March 17, 2009, 11:19 pm
Filed under: humour, jokes, life, motors, stories | Tags: , ,

l_plates

She crashed my car in November last year but she passed her test today at the first time of asking.

I put it down to her brilliant driving instructor, Scott, at Lemon squeezy.  And her mother.

However, I want to take some of the credit.

I had her running chicanes at the car park at the Forth Road Bridge as an infant driver and I’m sure that baptism of fire made all the rest a doddle.



a bit of poetry – don’t say I’m not cultured
March 14, 2009, 11:15 am
Filed under: Arts, humour, jokes, motors, movies

John Cooper Clarke observes a truism in life.  And a reason not to buy ex-hire cars.



Eagle eyed Mill
March 8, 2009, 10:46 pm
Filed under: family, humour, life, motors, stories

marks-paris-collection

A bit of extra curricular spottage by Pete on his recent trip to Paris.

The Merc and the MG at the foregound of this shot are duplicates of the two cars that I recently had.  One sold for buttons and one has been sidelined for a bit of therapy by Amy.



Do you think this is for real?
February 21, 2009, 11:19 am
Filed under: humour, jokes, life, motors

I’m not sure.  It looks a bit unlikely.  But judge for yourself.

image001

image002

image003

image004

image005

image0062

image007

image008

That last frame is a retouch I think.



the new Forth Crossing

The latest twist in the new Forth Crossing saga is that the light railway link is to be dropped, thereby saving £2.25bn in construction costs, and it has been proposed that the structure will be a triple tower cable stay design rather like this, the Florida Sunshine Skyway bridge. Only without the sunshine.

aprint039



Good car day
November 9, 2008, 6:07 pm
Filed under: family, life, motors, stories | Tags: , , , , , ,

Amy got her first car today.

Do you think she’s pleased?

amycar

The great thing is that she’s been working for two years and saving up for a car and she was able to pay for it herself.

I was dead impressed with that.



F1 Grand Prix outcome

Hmmm.  Steward’s enquiry methinks.

That was quite exciting though was it not.

Glock looked like he threw the race though.

Very suspicious.



scotland’s finest eatery?

Travellers of the A9 will be familiar with this magnificent treasure.  It’s not likely to be picking up any AA rosettes in the near future; nevertheless it is exquisite.

The staff are solid gold,  friendly, efficient and determinedly local (even if half of them are Polish these days).

The food is strictly of the greasy spoon variety, but grease-free.

Situated just north of Dunkeld it is the ideal spot to break a tr ip between Edinburgh and Inverness, indeed I would almost go as far as to say it should be a destination in its own right.

I had breakfast there on Tuesday.  Scrambled egg on toast and a mug of tea.

Simply the best



Grays School of art
September 24, 2008, 7:37 pm
Filed under: Arts, family, humour, jokes, life, motors, photography, Scotland, stories | Tags: , , ,

It was Amy’s first ever University recce today and so off we set to Aberdeen to see what Robert Gordon’s Art School, Gray’s, had to offer

On the way the car hit a momentous odometric milestone.  It had a certain integrity and symmetry to it.

Well, that's lucky.

Well, that's lucky.

On arrival I paid a visit to the Gents and discovered a really nice piss of art.

On the way home we overtook more great Scottish vernacular art.

What a creative day.



Pedantry abounds – When is a bypass not a bypass?

When is a bypass not a bypass? When it's a peripheral route.  Dummy.

When is a bypass not a bypass? When it's a peripheral route. Dummy.

I listened to an amusing conversation on Radio Scotland with Tavish Scott this morning in which the apparently controversially proposed Aberdeen Bypass is to face a public consultation.  However, clearly the word “bypass” is causing local dissent so Tavish Scott preferred to constantly correct the interviewer and call it a “peripheral route”.

Presumably this peripheral route, as the name suggests, does not go through the centre of Aberdeen, rather it must go around the periphery.

In much the same way that the Edinburgh Bypass does?

Answers on a postcard please.

(Sorry.  Answers on a two sided A6 card that does not require to be posted in an envelope because it is made of fairly stiff card and has a wee box indicating where one might apply a stamp.)



Jeremy Clarkson for Prime minister.

Apparently the government are facing criticism for posting this video on Youtube by some idiots that think it is a waste of money.

If it cost threepence that’d be threepence more than I’d have estimated.

We are allowed to have some light relief you know.

If you are one of those moaning minnies…go on…get a life.



Learn with father
August 15, 2008, 8:41 pm
Filed under: family, life, motors, stories | Tags: , ,

Fuck 'em.  Just drive confidently.  No one will ever notice.

just drive confidently.

On Sunday Amy is 17.

What does a 17 year old girl want to do most these days? Actually you’re wrong. She wants to learn to drive.

Amy’s Provisional license came through yesterday and so we went for it.

We got in the car and I taught her to drive.

Actually, you know what? I did!

She started the car without burning the starter motor out, she found the bite, she drove up and down the road; through the gearbox from first to third gear – up to 30mph.

And steered!

All in an hour.

I never shouted.

I didn’t panic.

We didn’t fall out.

We rock man!

Lewis Hamilton, eat your heart out.

(You know what? I was really proud of her.)



If you ever get pulled over for drink driving do not do this.

Not a good idea.

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The Power of Dreams

10 minutes ago Honda aired the first ever, modern day, live TV ad on Channel 4.

It was brave. It was creative. It was kinda flawed, but in a good way.

A bunch of skydivers jumped out of two planes and joined up in formation to, letter by letter, spell out H, O, N, D , A.

The cynics will snipe. I thought it was great though.

Why?

Because it was all, ALL, about risk. Only risk-taking clients get risk-taking ads. Only risk-taking ads make you famous.

Risk-taking is difficult but as Honda says “Difficult is worth doing.”  It was.

Honda is famous and gets all the great ads, as a client, that it deserves.

That’s why it is the UK’s best client.

I salute you Honda.

The shame is that the ad said check it out at Honda.co.uk. I did. It ain’t there. Or at least it ain’t very easy to find. Doh.



IPA AGM

I told you this was a great event.  Particularly because Alfredo Marcantonio showed us a reel of commercials that were all low budget but brilliant.  Here are a few of them.

I’d never seen this VW Karmann Ghia ad before but it really is a classic.

[Youtube=]

He showed this too.  Which made us all laugh.

And this cracker for Carling Black label.

He showed a different ad from this one for the x show.  But this is a pretty good alternative…



Is this the best TV commercial ever made?

I think it is.  Unfortunately it’s the German version but the voiceover is short and very very sweet.  It says.

“What does the man who drives the snowplough drive to get to the snowplough?

]



Awwww, bless.

Top Gear excelled itself last night (although it was a repeat) with Jeremy Clarkson’s feature on the Peel P50; the smallest production car ever made. Needless to say his 6’5″ frame was a tight squeeze, but the greatness of the feature was his driving it about the BBC offices, lifts etc as if they were the streets of London. John Humphries’ and Fiona Bruce’s vignettes all add up to classic TV.

It is gilt edged TV and I bring it to you for your total enjoyment and humorisity.

[Youtube=]



I’m a man (sung the dog)

Spencer Davis Group song gets an outstanding airing in this brilliant new commercial for the VW Polo. Sublime demonstration of the benefit of owning a Polo. The best ad I’ve seen in a long time and a firm favourite in the Gorman household



what goes around, comes around

Anyone having the misfortune to have to get around Edinburgh at any point between now and 2011 will find this image particularly resonant.  Because the brilliant tram system (I’m told) that was ripped out a couple of generations ago is being put back in again.  In a modern and congested city centre that means upheval.

A bit like this.

image.jpg

The description that goes with it is as follows…

Laying tram lines, Leith Walk

Labourers work at laying tramlines in the cobblestone road down Leith Walk, Edinburgh. Many of the men’s tools can be seen, these include wheelbarrows, pickaxes and shovels. Some of the workers are sitting amongst piles of loose stones which have yet to be replaced around the tramlines. In the background are tenement buildings, a hotel, and some shops, above one there is a clock tower.

 
 


beadle’s not about. But his legacy is
January 30, 2008, 8:32 pm
Filed under: humour, jokes, life, motors, Rants, tv, videos | Tags: , , ,

Good on ya Jezzer.  We had a laff.  RIP.

]



What’s your point?
December 21, 2007, 8:51 pm
Filed under: humour, life, motors, photography, Rants | Tags: ,

Accept? Except? Are cyclists sooo bad?

accept-cycles.jpg



doggone it…

 

 

A football-playing dog has had a leg amputated after being mown down by a speeding hit-and-run driver.

Footie-daft Collie-cross, Sox, was walking with his owner, Jose Mourhinho, when the car appeared from nowhere and knocked the pooch down.

 

The heartless driver refused to stop, leaving the helpless dog in the middle of the road.

 

Now, after making an amazing recovery, the three-legged animal still runs rings round his owner on the football pitch.

 

The incident happened outside Wembley Stadium and FA Management were completely amazed by it.

 

The pooch hasn’t let a missing paw stop him doing what he loves the most – playing football in the park and fully anticipates an England call up for World Cup 2010 in South Africa.

 

Sox Said “Woof, woof woof woo woohoo woofy woof woof fart woofy woof woof” Which Mourhino, used to translating a lot of total crap, said meant. “It’s really annoying because I was in talks with Steve Mclaren and I was close to a call up until broody Wensday. Looking at that lot I had a 50/60 cap career ahead of me. I’m going to have to miss out on the first few ‘cos they’ve not got through. To be honest mate I’m fucking gutted. Gutted. Really, really fucking gutted.”


This is Sox before his accident, so you can see for yourself it’s all true.

]

 

 




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