gibberish

Jeana tells me that the above comment was, to say the least, unhelpful. So here it is.

Chop up Asparagus, onions, red pepper, mushroom and anything else you fancy (courgette might be nice, or how about candied crocodile testicles?)into 0.8635cm cubes and set aside for another recipe becuase you won’t need any of them for this one.

Dice chicken breasts (if you roll a six it will be fab, a 1 means you should throw all the ingredients away and save yourself the bother).

Fry off the chicken till it’s brown and set aside.

Brown (to the point of crunchiness) one of those packets of Cubbetti de Pancetta that makes you sound such a snob when you ask the shelfstacker at the Co-op “‘Scuse me, do you have any cubetti de pancetta” and she replies “you what?” and you have to embarresedly say, “You know those wee bacony things.” and she sneers at you “The fridge in the next Aisle (you tosspot).”

Set aside.

Brown some pine nuts. Don’t burn them you idiot, they cost a fortune.

Set aside.

Put everything together in a pot with salt, pepper, finely chopped chilli, a glass of rank white wine, pesto and cook it all up a bit.

Then add it to the pasta you cooked as you were doing all this (I use small stuff, macaroni is good).

Mix it all together and Bob’s your brother.

OK?

Wonderful — and so entertaining. I am eagerly awaiting the publication of the completed recipe book. Can I be your agent?