Filed under: football, jokes, life, Rants, Scotland, sports | Tags: braga, Celtic, Champions League, europa league, Hearts, maribor, Rangers, Scottish Football, scottish football teams in Europe, sion, spurs, tottenham hotspur v hearts
No Scottish teams even made it to the the play offs for the Champions League, so poor is our European co-efficent and so abject were Celtic against the terrifying Braga. Yes Braga (not Sporting Lisbon or Porto).
What dross we have left all took part in Europa League play off games last night.
And in these Hearts took an absolute pasting. A total and utter embarrasement frankly.
Rangers surrendered an away lead to the European might that is Maribor and Celtic couldn’t even score at home against another giant from Swizerland; Sion.
Is it any wonder that fans of clubs like Hibernian, Motherwell and Aberdeen stay away when we can’t outsmart the shit above?
Incidentally, having listened on the radio to the Hearts game warm up I thought Craig Levein made a very astute observation. He commented that Hearts too often confuse ambition with expectation. Their expectation should be to reach third in the league on the basis that they have the biggest player budget outside of the old firm and their ambition should be to win the league; but their owner is hopelessly deluded and his expectation is to win the league; hence the reason he picks the team and fires managers on at least an annual basis.
Anyway, Scottish football’s old expectation was to do well against the minnows (like Maribor, Sion and Braga) and we would set out very attack minded. These so called minnows used to pack out their defences and frustrate us hugely before (mostly) falling to the odd goal or two.
Last night Hearts were the minnows against Spurs and should have done likewise (at least in the hope of a decent gate at the return match before going out) instead they fielded a reasonably open formation and found themselves ripped apart in defence time after time.
Was their expectation to win? I’d have said their ambition should have been to avoid a five goal drubbing. They failed on both counts.
Totally naive. Ridiculous and painful to watch.
Filed under: football, Hibees, Rants | Tags: colin calderwood, Edinburgh, edinburgh finest, gibberish, Hibees, Hibernian, hibernian form, mark gorman, mark gorman gibberish, rod petrie, Scottish Football, SPL, the cabbage
After defeat to Motherwell yesterday this very odd man said…
“There are aspects of the game I enjoyed. Problems are there to be solved so that’s what I’m looking forward to doing.”
On Tuesday night after Hibs went out to a team two leagues below the odd bod Calderwood commented…
“We had so many good opportunities, the goalkeeper’s had a number of good saves, we’ve had efforts cleared from the line and I think they defended their goal excellently.
He has so far won 2 out of 15 games.
Being, at best, an armchair fan I have not seen him in action but I am told he stands impassively, hands in pockets, barely involving himself in games and certainly not leaping about like the madman Yogi Hughes had become.
It all just seems like he’s going through the motions.
Remarkably he claims to be “really enjoying it” at Easter Road.
Inevitably, the fans’ ire tends to turn to the manager or the Chairman in these sorts of situation. And Rod Petrie’s extended honeymoon is certainly looking to be over at this moment in time.
The sale of Stokes and Bamba appears to be hitting home now and our lack of action in the transfer market is becoming notable. I’m a great admirer of what Petrie has acheived at Easter Road but it feels like he has made an extraordinarily bad appointment in Colin Calderwood and his earlier reputation for canniness is in danger of becoming one for penny pinching (for which I am told he has a strong internal reputation.)
Lastly, of course, there’s the team itself; some say it is a shadow of its former self, one of the worst to have played for Hibs in many years (if not ever), but I saw Zemamma, Miller, Riordan, Wotherspoon, Murray, Stack and McBride (all in the squad yesterday) play Dundee Utd on 3rd October 2009 and destroy them before drawing 1 -1.
At that point the table looked like this…
A month later it looked even better…
And even by mid January Hibs (with this team) were in touch with the top, so my contention is not that it is the players themselves that are poor but the way in which they are applying themselves.
It feels to me that there is a cancer somewhere in Easter Road that is permeating the team and turning good players into bad. Yogi lost them, and Calderwood has never had them bar one freak night against Rangers.
It needs sorted, and quick.
Filed under: football, Rants, Scotland, sports, stories | Tags: craig levein, euro 2012 qualifiers, fletcher, levein, naismith, Scotland, scotland qaulifiers, scotland v spain, Scottish Football, SFA
Flamin' 'eck. We only lost 3 - 2. At home.
The headlines will proclaim Braveheart!
The truth is, in my view anyway, Scotland huffed and puffed tonight.
Spain were not in top gear. Need they be? They were playing a team who had just lost to a team who had just lost a European Qualifier at home to Lithuania.
They gradually worked out a way to get through against the great blue wall.
Two up.
Job done.
Tools down.
And then; oops.
A wee Spanish banana.
Could the worst happen?
Could they really lose to a team who had just lost to a team who had just lost a European Qualifier at home to Lithuania.
Don’t be daft.
Supersub.
3 – 2.
Cue Lionheart. Cue whatever. It’s always like this.
Some good performances (Naismith, Fletcher, Bardsley) and a corker of a baddie. Whittaker will want to erase tonight from his memory forever. Run ragged, 100′s of mistakes, gave away the penalty just before halt time, got sent off. Doh!)
This was not a new dawn for Scottish football. It was just another close defeat to a huge team that nearly took their eye off the ball. But it was at least exciting.
Filed under: football | Tags: craig levein, FIFA, fifa rankings, levein, Scotland, scotland v czeck republic, Scottish Football, SFA
And this is before last night's results have been taken into account.
For a Jambo, Craig Levein is a nice bloke but that in no way exonerates him from open and outrightly hostile criticism in the wake of last night. It was so embarrassing that I forsee no future at all for our ‘national game’. We turned up to play a team ranked 37th in the world who had just lost a European Qualifier at home to Lithuania and we failed to play with a striker. In other words the limits of Levein’s ambitions was a 0 – 0 draw. To a team who had just lost a European Qualifier at home to Lithuania. The formation was 4 6. have you ever hard of that? Apparently Spain play 4 6, but that’s 4 defenders and 6 strikers! And this was to a team who just lost a European Qualifier at home to Lithuania.
If we had a chance I do not recall it, and yet after we went 1 0 down with 20 minutes to play he reverted to a 4 4 2 formation that, whilst unsuccessful, at least put the Czechs under some pressure which is hardly surprising because they are a team who had just lost a European Qualifier at home to Lithuania.
OK, Rangers have ground out two good results by playing ultra cautious tactics, but they played a striker at least. The same striker that is in the form of his life and only came on as a sub to create the aforementioned formation to a team who had just lost a European Qualifier at home to Lithuania. Rangers’ tactical decisions are fair enough. They were playing one of Europe’s finest – not a team that had just lost a European Qualifier at home to Lithuania. (That said, the Turks they played had never made the Champion’s League before and had just been humped at home by Valencia – but it paid off).
Levein looked sheepish, but unapologetic, after the game. I anticipate that the media will rightly go on a field day and, for once, I support them.
It’s very, very sad that our national game, one that only 30 years ago we were considered amongst the finest in the world at, has become a joke. A laughing stock.
How anyone could forgive us taking 96 minutes to pip Leichtestein (a country with a population of 34,000) is beyond me.
This result and this formation in particular, sets out our position in stark relief.
Losers.
And unambitious ones at that.
God help us on Tuesday night. Although. Although. Although. You can just see it can’t you. A backs to the wall Braveheart performance.
(And an unlucky 1 – 0 defeat.)
Bertie's back!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: glasgow rangers, Manchester united, Rangers, Scottish Football, walter smith
Much as I admired Rangers’ desperately pragmatic grinding out of a result against Manchekster Utd last night I felt Walter Smith’s defence of his strategy lacked humility today.
In it he bemoaned the fact that he had to adopt those tactics to hold any chance of a result against the wealthier teams of the league. He pointed out that 85% of Premiership teams have no chance of winning that league and that The Champions League is much the same!
Hello!
The only reason Rangers are even participating is because they benefit from precisely the same financial domination as those teams enjoy in their respective leagues. The difference is that I don’t see Man Utd or AC Milan pillaging the talent of their fellow league mates in an attempt to bury their ambitions.
Walter. Put a sock in it. Have a heart. Look in your back yard before you mouth off.
Filed under: football, Scotland, sports, stories | Tags: Champions League, david weir, davy weir, manchester utd, Rangers, rangers v man utd, Scottish Football, Uefa, uefa champions league
Too old? Nah; too wise!
Rangers did what Lichtenstein nearly did last Tuesday.
It was quite good.
Davy Weir is a quite remarkable individual.
Filed under: football, humour, jokes, politics, Scotland, sports, stories, The Scotsman | Tags: Bertie Vogts, Celtic, European football, Falkirk, George Burley, Hibees, Hibernian FC, International football, Lichtenstein, Rangers, Scotland manager, Scottish Football, SFA, Wales, Walles v Scotland, walter smith
I am not, and never have been, a fan of George Burley. The performance by Scotland against Wales on Saturday defied description in the first half. At 3-0 down we gave away a stone wall penalty that wasn’t given and Marshall, the goalie, should have been sent off. So that would have been 4-0 with ten men. We’d no doubt have shut up shop at that point and sloped off with a four goal defeat. As it was we lost to a bunch of schoolboys by three.
He had to go. And go he has.
Our game is a mess. I mean, let’s face it, Hibs are within a win of topping the league despite a makeshift team in parts and having sold 11 internationalists in five years. How is that possible? I’lll tell you how. Because everyone else is shit. And if you want proof of that look at Rangers’ and Celtic’s positions in their European groups. Both bottom, neither with a pot washed.
Investment in Scottish football’s youth (outside of Easter Road) is lamentable and that’s why that old saying “There’s no easy games in international football” is true once again. Scotland is an easy game. Fuck sake, Falkirk went out of Europe to a team from Leichtenstien.
Lichstentsien!
In the past, had a Scottish team drawn a team from Lichstentsien we’d have needed a fucking calculator to work out the aggregate score.
So back to Burley. Cheerio and good riddance I say. We’ve had two clowns in charge both utter pish (Burley and Vogts) a sort of shit sandwich in reverse. It seems remarkable that the rose between those two thorns was dour old Walter Smith who got the team playing again, reaching unheard of heights.
He leaves? Splash, right back in the poo.
Smith is sitting in the Ibrox ejector seat so I suspect the SFA (pricks that they are) will make the predictable decision to send him a parachute. Indeed this may all be part of a “plan”.
As for Burley? He can get back to looking really, really creepy and doing dodgy stuff that no-one can write about, out of the glare of the public eye.
See ya. Wouldnae wanna be ya.man tommorow. You’ll like it.
By the way. Check out 60 Watt’s topical Scotsman.com ad in The Scots
Filed under: football, Rants, Scotland, sports, stories | Tags: scotland v Noway, Scotland0 Norway 4, Scottish Football, SFA
Norway go 430 minutes without an international goal then put 4 past Scotland.
Aberdeen are slaughteed in Europe by a team I’ve never heard of.
Motherwell get mashed home and away.
Falkirk go out to a team from, Lichtenstein. Lichtenstein? Back in the day we’d be looking to win by 10 – 20 goals over two legs to a team from a country with the population of your average Tesco store.
We have not gone backwards as a football nation. We have dissapeared from the map.
OK, Celtic did us proud. But that now looks like a blip.
Guess what I’ll be doing very little of in the 2009/10 football season. Yup. Watching Scottish Football.
Filed under: football, Scotland, sports, stories | Tags: Hibernian, john hughes, Scottish Football, SPL, the cabbage, yogi
It’s a good day at Easter Road.
It seems we have hired who I have long thought might be Hibs follow up to Mozza (Tony Mowbray).
A manger who cares and who has a football brain. I now expect a much better season from Hibs but the absolute key must be about holding focus against the lower teams. Yogi needs to teach Hibs that although beating Celtic, Rangers and Hearts is good, beating Hamilton, St Mirren, Motherwell, Aberdeen, Kilmarnock, et al is much, much more important.
Only one problem. In seeking decent images of Yogi Onliner…this was the only good one I could find.
Ach well, we set them up anyway.
Filed under: for sale, Hibees, Rants, Scotland, sports, stories | Tags: Edinburgh derby, Hearts, Hearts 0 Hibs 1, Hibs, riordan, Scottish Football, SPL
Last night I went to see Copenhagen at The Lyceum. A play about nuclear physics nd mathematics. If you read my previous post you’ll know I found it a kinda boring experience, but I’d gladly have gone every night for a week in preference to watching this cack in a freezing cold Tynecastle Stadium. What a lot of shite. The quality of play defied belief and given that a strong wind blew throughout you’d have thought the players might have opted to play the ball near the ground.
Nope.
Astonishingly the only goal of the game came from a goal kick INTO the wind by Hibs goalie Yves Makalamity that fell at Riordan’s feet on the edge of the box. He was pulled down for a penalty and scored.
I cannot conceive of when I would next choose to go to a Scottish professional football game. The three I’ve been to this year have ALL been crap.
We were in the corporate hospitality bit, but they ran out of hospitality grub before the match before anyone in our group had had a bite to eat. Very impressive.
So, no Prawn Sandwiches for me.
And Hibs were shite too by the way.
Filed under: business, football, Hibees, humour, jokes, life, politics, Rants, Scotland, sports | Tags: andy driver, Birmingham City, Boydy, Dundee Utd, football, Hearts, Hibs, Kris Boyd, Rangers, Scottish Football, the cabbage
Don't cry for me argy bargy.
It makes me laugh till I spew reading the angst emanating from Ibrox about Kris Boyd being sold. What? The family jewels sold off to a bigger and richer club, (Birmingham City) just when they were doing well.
Well, now you know how it feels!
Thomson, Miller, Whittaker, Murray and, over the fence, Caldwell, Killen, Riordan, Brown and that’s probably not all of them that have been ripped out of Easter Road in the last few years and it’s no different at Hearts or Dundee Utd.
Shadenfruede?
You bet.
(Oh and I believe they’re after Andy Driver at Hearts. Bloody hypocrites.)
Filed under: humour, life, photography, Scotland, sports, stories | Tags: Celtic, Celtic Park, hamilton accies, parkhead, Scottish Football, SPL
Tom and I went to Parkhead to watch the most boring 4 – 0 victory in the history of 4 – 0 victories
At one point Celtic adopted this interesting 11 – 0 – 0 formation.
Filed under: football, Hibees, jokes, life, Scotland | Tags: FIFA, FIFA world cup hibernian, Hibs, macedonia, Scottish Football, Scottish Football Association, SFA, SPL, tartan army, World cup, world cup Qualifiers
Oh well, might as well be totally pish at everything.
As a Scottish foootball fan one has two options: support the Old Firm (either half will do) or follow your heart and stay local.
I chose that route and support Hibernian FC.
When it comes to your country the choice is rather more restricted. Therefore I support Scotland.
Today I watched my country play Macedonia in what was a very important game. What I witnessed was what I see week in week out from my club team. Complacency.
Scotland, in the first half, against a team ranked 50 or so places behind them in the FIFA rankings were out-fought, out-thought and out-bothered. Scotland didn’t give a fuck. It was a really disappointing thing to see, post Euro 2008 badluckness. Sure, it was a different thing in the second half, when it was a race against time.
‘It was too hot’ they’ll say. But it was the Macedonians who were most suffering at the end. So that is no excuse.
I think the comparison to being a Hibs fan is very relevant here. Week in, week out Hibs fail to beat the rank and file (like St mirren, say) but come the glamour tie all the stops are pulled out (The Old Firm and Hearts).
Scotland can turn it on, big style, against France, Italy and, no doubt, the Dutch but an eminently beatable Macedonian team screwed it for us once again for lack of application.
By the way, I fucking hate, naye loathe, Skopje. I slept in the train station overnight there in 1983 and it was full of fucking idiots. 30 degree heat all night and folk pacing about in leather studs and chains. I honestly don’t know how I got out of there alive.
Filed under: football, humour, jokes, life, politics, Rants, Scotland, sports, stories | Tags: Carlos Cuellar, Celtic, Champions leaguer, Cuellar, hoops, Rangers, rangers fc, Scottish Football, SPL, the bhoys
Ok, so they won’t be winning the Champion’s League and Carlos Cuellar won’t win Player of the Year this year.
But they might have an outside chance of winning the “Whatever else happens if we beat the fenians it’s all OK league.”
Filed under: football, life, Scotland, sports | Tags: Champions League, EUFA, FKB Kaunas, gers, huns, qualifying for champion's league, Rangers, Scottish Football, SFA
Smells of pish and ham.
Och.
That’s pathetic.
But at least Romanov might recoup some of his utter embarrasement at Hearts.
As for Celtic? Ho, ho, ho.
The bottom line?
Hibs – a European disaster.
Rangers – A European calamity.
Dundee Utd – Another European embarassement.
It’s a long way from Old Trafford isn’t it.
Filed under: football, golf, Hibees, humour, jokes, life, Rants, Scotland, sports, stories | Tags: Craig Levien, crap refs, Dodgy decisions, Dodgy refs, Dundee Utd, game fixing, Hbees, jambos, Mike McCurry, RangersFC, refereeing, Referees, Scottish Football, Who's the bastard in the black
This is brilliant. Click on the interview panel on the BBC sports page at this link.
Craig Levien, Dundee Utd’s manager, letting off steam after losing a crucial game to Rangers today. Now, when I say letting off steam I mean totally losing it. I like and respect Craig Levien – even if he is a Jambo – and I know exactly how he must feel
And oh what joy to find this old school photo of him on google…
And this one…
Yes, that’s right. It is yours truly on the left. A vision in black. And not overly gaylordish.
Now, we all know that referees favour Celtic and Rangers, but according to Levien, Mike McCurry’s performance today was nothing short of a scandal. He calls him a cheat – which will get him in big trouble with the numpties that run our game – but he is almost certainly right. I haven’t seen the incidents in question, but judging from this outburst I think he probably has a point.
Listening to discussion about it on Five Live’s 606-phone in a Rangers fan brushed it off by saying…
“They’re getting all excited about this one game. Maybe if they’d tried this hard all season against lesser teams this would be less of an issue.”
A neat body swerve I have to say, but, you know what? Totally true!
And that applies to every other team in this shitty league.
And Hibs are no exception.
They turn up for the old firm and Hearts matches and don’t bother their arses against the likes of Aberdeen, Motherwell, St Mirren…
That’s why I don’t go along any more.
Filed under: football, life, Scotland, sports, stories | Tags: Eufa Cup, eufa cup final, Glasgow, glasgow football, glasgow rangers, Rangers, Scottish Football, smith, the smith effect, walter, walter smith
Is Walter Smith the greatest football manager Scottish football has ever enjoyed?
I think so.
I was in Glasgow tonight to witness, in a pub, the effect this remarkable man has had on a patently average football team. Not only has he achieved greatness for Rangers Football Club but he has done so with six Scottish players on the pitch. Sadly, two of them Hibbies.
Clearly Rangers were not actually better than Fiorentina (or Werder Bemen, or Sporting Lisbon) but they beat them all- this is not typically Scottish behaviour.
But a Scottish team, is in a European Final.
This is genuinely something to celebrate.
C’mon the huns!
Filed under: football, humour, jokes, life, Scotland, sports, stories | Tags: Cardiff, Cardiff City, Champions League, diddy league, Dumfries, Eufa Cup, European football, FA Cup, Hibees, Queen of the south, Rangers, Scottish Cup, Scottish Football, the cabbage
The Cabbage could get into Europe.
Hearts could win the Diddy League. (Although, if memory serves me correctly Mr Romanov predicted that they should be, about now, in the Semi Finals of the Champion’s League defending last year’s title)
Carlisle United look like getting promoted two years’ running.
Queen of the South, yes, Queen of the South are in tomorrow’s Scottish Cup Final. If they win they’ll be dancing in the streets of Queen of the South (in fact by all accounts they already are.
Cardiff City are in the English FA Cup Final and they’re not even English.
Rangers are in the EUFA Cup Semi Final.
I blame it on global warming.
Filed under: football, Hibees, humour, jokes, life, politics, Scotland, sports, stories, work | Tags: beslija, Edinburgh, heart of midlothian, Hearts, hearts fc, Hearts financial services, jambos, life cover, life insurance, lithuania, Scottish Football
Are you worried about the future?
Let’s face it, we’re not getting any younger and we all have to think about our lavish lifestyles after our careers are over.
- Are you well past your best?
- Are you looking for an easy life?
- Are you looking for an easy way to enter Britain?
Then you are eligible for the Hearts Life-Plan!
WE PAY YOU over £10,000 a week, there’s a pointless medical and no salesperson will call (you might even get a shot at being manager).
CALL NOW!
There’s a FREE house, car and limitless golf at some of Scotland’s finest courses.
Don’t take our word for it, read these recommendations from some very satisfied clients….
“When I’m no longer playing, I know my family will be financially secure”
Mr Beslija, Belgium
“I recommended the Hearts plan to all my friends back home.”
Mr Saulious, Edinburgh
“The Hearts plan supplemented my pension, just when I thought it was too late.”
Mr Pressley, Glasgow
“The generosity of the Hearts plan is unmatched in the world of pension finance. It was the best move I have ever made.”
Mr E Kurkis, Lithuania
“Even when everyone said I was too old, Hearts were prepared to supplement my pension with an outrageous offer.”
Mr Neil, Edinburgh
“Despite being permanently injured I was still eligible for the Hearts Life-plan – year after year!”
Mr Pinilla, Chile
So don’t sit there worrying about the future – relax – that phone will ring!
Hearts Life-Plan is regulated by V Romanov and his pals at the bank and is funded by the 10,000 who have invested in the “HMFC Season Ticket” pyramid scam over the last 3 years.
Filed under: football, life, photography, Scotland | Tags: Glasgow, partick Thistle, Scottish Football, The Gallowgate
I was walking through the rain in the Gallowgate, Glasgow last week when I spotted this old market that’s seemingly shut down now. I was amused by the optimism of the Partick Thistle fan who owned it.
Their current league position proves that his optimism was unfounded. This is, of course, the First division table, NOT the Premier League.
The market itself was something of a shrine. I love the sign that says “we buy rubbish” (top left of photo).
You don’t say
And, the local fishmongers leaves something to be desired.
I think I’ll pass on the Whelks today.
Thanks all the same.
Filed under: football, life, politics, Scotland, sports | Tags: FIFA, FIFA world rankings, football, Scottish Football
This is incredible.
Scotland’s highest ever FIFA world rankings. And look who is only two places above us.
Incidentally this is the population rankings of those above us.
1 Brazil 187m
2 Germany 82m
3 France 64m
4 Italy 59m
5 England 50m
6 Spain 45m
7 Argentina 39m
8 Romania 21m
9 Netherlands 16m
10 Portugal 10m
11 Czeck Republic 10m
12 Scotland 5m
13 Croatia 4.5m
And of the 7 teams below us in the top 20 only Uruguay is smaller in population terms.
The top 9 European teams become number 1 seeds for the World Cup qualifiers. We currently sit 11th.
Bring on Italy.
Filed under: football, life, Scotland, sports, videos | Tags: Aberdeen FC, AC Milan, Celtic, Champions League, Dnipro, Eufa Cup, Lyon, Rangers, Scottish Football
Aberdeen 1 – 1 Dnipro
Aberdeen qualify on away goals for group stages (surely not; we always go OUT on away goals.)
This video is the best I could dredge up. not good…
]
Celtic 2 – 1 AC Milan
Magnificent performance to beat the Champions of Europe. The match was only marred by the idiot who came on at the end to celebrate, but what about the goalie’s reaction?
Two words…Cheating scumbag.
]
Lyon 0 – 3 Rangers
I think it is particularly enjoyable to watch Lyon’s humiliation in French. Sacre Bleu, Quel Horror, Horrible, Merde. So here you are.
]
Saving the best for last; sure, Rangers rode their luck, but to beat one of Europe’s leading teams 3 – 0 away from home is quite extraordinary and from front to back the Rangers team can hold their heads high.
Masterful.
On the back of the Scotland victory v France we are a nation again.
Wait until the Cabbage play in the Champions League next year. The Champions of Europe may reside in Scotland.
