The missing Chicken pasta recipe


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I realise the completists amongst you have been disturbed by the misposting of this recipe, so I indulge you with bloggish tidiness…

Chop up Asparagus, onions, red pepper, mushroom and anything else you fancy (courgette might be nice, or how about candied crocodile testicles?) into 0.8635cm cubes and set aside for another recipe because you won’t need any of them for this one.

Instead…

Dice chicken breasts (if you roll a six it will be fab, a 1 means you should throw all the ingredients away and save yourself the bother).

Fry off the chicken till it’s brown and set aside.

Brown (to the point of crunchiness) one of those packets of Cubbetti de Pancetta that makes you sound such a snob when you ask the shelfstacker at the Co-op “‘Scuse me, do you have any cubetti de pancetta” and she replies “you what?” and you have to embarresedly say, “You know those wee bacony things.” and she sneers at you “The fridge in the next Aisle (you tosspot).”

Set aside.

Brown some pine nuts. Don’t burn them you idiot, they cost a fortune.

Set aside.

Put everything together in a pot with salt, pepper, finely chopped chilli, a glass of rank white wine, pesto and cook it all up a bit.

Then add it to the pasta you cooked as you were doing all this (I use small stuff, macaroni is good).

Mix it all together and Bob’s your brother.

OK?

Hob Nob Fiasco


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A friend of mine recently had a traumatic experience as a consquence of opening a multipack of mini Chocolate Hob Nobs and asked me to write, on her behalf to McVities to outline the issue.  She has granted me permission to publish the letter in all its glory.  I will keep you appraised of developments…

1 December 2006

 

The Marketing Director

Group HQ
United
Biscuits
Hayes Park

North Hayes End Road
Hayes,
UB4 8EE

Dear Sir,

I recently  purchased a multipack of your Mini Chocolate Hob Nobs for my family.  We are not wealthy people and so this exquisite treat was something I and my 11 children anticipated for a number of days before my husband, their father, who is vicar at our local Free Presbyterian Church granted us permission to indulge.

 

Can you imagine therefore the look of horror on our faces as, upon gleefully ripping open the outer packaging and setting upon the first of those little packets of wheaty sunshine and cocoa, we realised that the first two packets contained but two biscuits?

Your packaging does not proclaim that this is a ‘Mini Hob Nob twin pack’ like your rather more substantial competitor, the Twix.

Oh no, it implies, I would suggest, a veritable cornucopia, an abundance indeed, of biscuity indulgence.

Your packaging proudly proclaims “NOW LOWER IN SALT.”  Sir, I respectfully suggest you re-engage your graphic design team and reset the printing plates so that the package now exclaims.

“NOW LOWER IN BISCUITS.”

Additionally the aforementioned packaging promises that the contents are a ‘source of fibre with no artificial colours’.  I would suggest that this is also reframed to read…’a source of limited fibre.’  It cannot be disputed that there are no artificial colours because, frankly, there are next to no ruddy biscuits.

Come on McVities; my children weep.  This experience was as if we were contestants in “Help my boab.  I’m a celebrity get me out of here.” who have just found out the result of a booshsucker trial carried out by Scott Henshaw – although I have to confess I can only take this on gossip, as we naturally have no television in our Spartan abode.

I trust you will listen to our plea for a fairer deal on the Mini Chocolate Hob Nob front.  Surely in the name of the Lord God Almighty these packages should contain a minimum of six cookies.

If you were to replace the two offending packets (I ask no more) you will be graced with the light of the lord in your life.

God bless you