A religious experience


Wow, what a day I had yesterday. The 7.45 train to Glasgow with my pal Doug was hitch free, three meetings later (inc lunch) I got onto the 2.45 back to Embra but it was cancelled.

“Nae bother”I thought “It’s only 15 minutes till the next one.” And sure enough, it was.

Only the “next one” was only going as far as Polmont. Reason being that (allegedly) a train had hit a cow on the tracks between Polmont and Linlithgow. Now, I say allegedly because Scotrail is not known for its economic use of truthfulness.

An announcement goes out along the lines of…

“Sorry about this but we’ve laid on a bus from Polmont to Linlithgow and you’ll get back on the train there.”

“Fine” I thought, “15 minute delay, not the end of the world”

So I phoned my pal, Will, to tell him I’d see him at 4.15, not 4pm as arranged.

The train arrives at Polmont and that’s where it all started to go wrong because, as Scotrail had promised, there was a bus laid on.

A BUS.

That is… ONE BUS.

Now, I was very good at arithmetic at school, so I know that a six carriage train divided by a 58 seat bus (coach actually) = something like 10. So A BUS isn’t that useful.

But perhaps I was wrong because, after half an hour a NOTHER bus turned up and took a NOTHER 58 people to Linlithgow.

At that pointScotrail must have passed the problem onto one of their arithmetically minded people because a NOTHER bus turned up and i got onto it.

Strangely, the bus driver decided that the best route to Linlithgow was the shortest one in miles that is, (ie through the town as opposed to along the motorway then double back thereby avoiding THE BUSIEST TOWN CENTRE WITH THE LONGEST HIGH STREET IN SCOTLAND).  So instead of the journey taking 10 minutes it took 25.

No bother, I was now in Linlithgow. at 4.25.

But the pain was not over. Oh no!

“The next train will leave at 4.52” Why they should need to wait half a NOTHER hour for a train to leave for is beyond my scope of comprehension. Needless to say at 4.52 they announced a further delay until they loaded a NOTHER trainful of passengers onto our already, by now bulging, train.

Ten minutes later we were off. “The train will arrive in Edinbutrgh at 5.15” they said.

My arse, it was 5.21. But what’s 6 minutes out of 2 and a half hours.?

I’ll tell you what it is. It’s a NOTHER 4% delay.

Anyway, on the plus side it gave me a chance to start this amazing book which I will review fully later.

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And I saw this church sign in Polmont, which made me smile.

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