Burglar blast


twat

twat

I saw a great old commercial on one of those Jimmy Carr shows last night.

It was from the 50’s or 60’s, and featured some robbing bastard breaking into some unsuspecting poor sod’s house… but the door or window lock has some scary pyrotechnics attached.

The net result?

Kafucingboom!

Burglar shits its pants and justice is done.

You know what?

I approve.

Wish they made them now.

Mixed emotions


A golf weekend like few others.

Not only did Tom and I beat our nemeses, The Reids, 3 and 1 on Saturday but I had the distinction of scoring the greatest number of pars in a single round in my life (10) and a net 6 under par score – although I have scored better at Ratho.

Sunday’s medal at Dundas Park was also good.  My second best medal score ever, net 70, level par.

(How crap is that though?)

However, this hides the real story which was the fact that I shot 5 under for 16 holes and 5 over for the sixth (which, being a nine hole course I have to play, and can’t, twice).

Thanks for this Pat


I like this story that my pal, Pat Rodger, forwarded.

A judge has attacked a bizarre trend in New Zealand for giving children strange names as he made a nine-year-old called Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii a ward of court.

Family Court Judge Rob Murfitt listed a series of unfortunate names that he said were embarrassing or made children seem foolish among their peers.

Some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Stallion, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, were blocked by registration officials, he said.

But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter, Midnight Chardonnay, “and tragically, Violence,” the judge said.

The names were mentioned in Murfitt’s decision on a custody battle over the nine-year-old girl from the North Island town of Hawera, who was so embarrassed at the name her parents had given her – Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii – that she never told her closest friends what it was.

She told people her name was “K” because she feared being “mocked and teased,” the girl’s lawyer, Colleen MacLeod, told the court.

This is not the first time that New Zealand authorities have had to intervene over a bizarre baby name. In August 2007, Pat and Sheena Wheaton were told by government officials that they couldn’t name their baby 4Real as it contained a digit. The couple simply reconsidered and re-named their child Superman.

The trend for crazy baby monikers has also extended to Europe. In June 2008, Swedish tax authorities informed a Stockholm couple they must change the name of their 5-month-old baby girl Elvis. Another Swedish family recently won a protracted battle to ensure their daughter was allowed to keep the name Metallica.

My own personal favourite was a girl in Greenock called Aquavita McGlumpha.

Jeana tells me of a couple, Mr and Mrs House, who named their kids Wendy and Maxwell.

Martha Wainwright – I know you’re married but I’ve got feelings too.


Martha proves she is no stranger to the Fosbury Flop.

Martha proves she is no stranger to the Fosbury Flop.

Martha Wainwright.  Daughter of Loudon, sister of Rufus and daughter of Kate McGarrigle is entitled to be a good singer and she is.  Her eponymous first album was one of my favourites of 2005 but her second (irritatingly every music critic in the world now call second albums ‘Sophomore” albums) has not sophomore slumped.

She recently married her bass player and producer, Brad Albetta and the resultant output is a little less hysterical than the standout track from her first album; Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole which was penned as an ode to her father, but it is by no means diluted as she sings about marital infidelity in You Cheated Me which is maybe just a marker for her man.

Her cover of See Emily Play will not be to everyone’s taste but I think it’s great.  All the rest are self penned.

Anyway, it’s another belter from Martha and does add another great brick in the Wainwright dynasty’s tower of musical greatness.

Try this for size.

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El Bore? No more!


Amy and I saw Elbow support Snow Patrol at Meadowbank a couple of years ago and quickly christened them El Bore.  For obvious reasons.  So, I was not the most likely convert to this band.

However their stupendous performance of One Day Like this at Glastonbury opened my mind to the possibilities that they are not merely grumpy old Mancs with a one track pedigree.

I also heard their performance of The Fix with Richard Hawley as co-writer and co-vocalist which I liked.  So, I took the plunge last week and bought this.

Totally, like, not boring, eh!

Totally, like, not boring, eh!

The Seldom Seen Kid is a magnificent album.  Beautiful, poignant, lush and full of great melodies and outstanding arrangements.  It is SO not what I expected and is immediately in the running for my Album of the Year, although it will have to go some to beat Dig Lazarus Dig by Nick Cave.

I cannot praise this record highly enough. Even Jeana likes it.