So, you invest in some smart shirts, double cuffed and all that, and think you’ll be smart and presentable, a real swell.

And you decide to wear the aforementioned doublecuffery at a business event.  An event with an audience of 60 that you are chairing.

The SMA, to be precise.

So, that’s what happened.  I was hosting a Question Time (esque) event playing the David Bimbledy role when, about an hour in, I looked torso-ward, then quickly audience-ward, my old mucker Jon Stevenson caught my eye and smirked in sympathy.

The shirt may have been smart and lovely but my  belly had been fully and wholly unattractively exposed as the button at the point of most pressure (the belly button) had popped.

Class. (Thanks TM Lewin for your lack of button protection.)

Aside from Jon’s smirk, I may have got away with it.

Not mine, but you get the idea.

Not mine, but you get the idea.

The look

This is the look that reflects the feeling you have when your advertising has been nominated for an award. The look that reflects the fact that despite being the only nomination in the category the judges decide not to give it an award; but to highly commend it.

It is not a gracious look.

It is not a grown up look but, frankly, it is not a look that should have to happen.

My opinion? If a category has no work deemed good enough for an award then don’t nominate the best of the worst. No nominations. No bitter dissapointment. No griping.

I have been told I look unhappy in this photo. I was, but not as unhappy as my creative colleagues, Pete and Iain would have been had they attended the event.

Ross and Brand

The furore over the childish prank fashioned by Jonathon Ross as guest presenter on the Russel Brand show is appropriate.

As it happens, I am currently reading Brand’s autobiography and in it (early days so far) he comes across as not far short of mentally ill. He has conquered drink and drug addiction but his sex addiction is far from cured.

And, actually, it’s not funny.

It seems to stem from a childlife immersed in porn and the overseeing of his father’s sexual proclivity. In this paragraph, recounting an experience from a holiday at Pontins as a seven year old where he spies his father about to ‘have it off’ with the mother of the girl Brand is hanging about with you can see the complexity of Brand’s relationship with sex. It’s great material because the metaphor that forms the basis of this tale is sad, but outstanding…

“…at that point the woman walked out of the bathroom naked and shrieked. She tried to cover herself up – all knockers and skin everywhere almost independently trying to escape her – like she was a vet’s assistant bungling her way through her first day, mishandling a litter of recalcitrant piglets…Intriguing I thought.”

I think my point is that Brand almost can’t help himself. He has a problem that perhaps needs to be understood as opposed to vilified. It’s the basis of much of his humour, but we all know how many comedians are tortured souls (no question Brand is).

Ross, on the other hand, is a trumped up chance-taker. He revels in titillation of a homo or hetero style. He flirts outrageously with every single guest on his much overrated TV show whilst declaring undying love to his long suffering wife. (His radio programme is far superior.)

It was Ross that initiated the badness, in my view spiced up by the frisson of danger that hosting Brand’s, The BBC’s enfent terrible, show might have afforded him. It was him that told poor old Andrew Sachs that Brand had had sexual relations with his granddaughter. I believe Brand just went with the flow, (not that I’m endorsing his behaviour I have to say).

It’s all rather sad. And I do think both of them need a bollocking. Brand for being stupid. But Ross in particular, the perhaps calculating ringleader and school bully.

But you just know, don’t you, that a bit of grovelling, a charity cheque or two will smooth the whole thing over.

Wassup 2008.

Thanks to Will Atkinson for providing me with this gem.

Not only is this very funny and a genius pastiche but it is a very true take on our current zeitgeist (yeah I know but it’s the right word.)

For those of you who don’t remember the vernacular hogging original it was truly the talk of the water cooler in 2000.

I don’t usually post gags but this one’s top notch

I am grateful to Pete Mill’s Brother in law for this wee gem.

An armed balaclava-clad robber bursts into the Royal Bank of Scotland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door with the loot one brave customer grabs the balaclava and pulls it off revealing the robber’s face. The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

‘Did anyone else see my face?’ calls the robber.

There is a few moments silence then one elderly Scottish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says,

‘I think my wife may have caught a glimpse ….’.


Holywood studios are concerned about the effects of piracy and for some reason, I’m not up on the technical side of things, are pushing forward with the digitalisation of cinemas.  The cost of this is approximately £50k per screen and the multinationals (owned by the studios in reality) can afford to take it on the chin.

However if, like me, you prefer to buy your films in independent cinemas (in Edinburgh that means The Cameo, Filmhouse and Dominion) you may be in for a shock.  These types of cinemas simply do not have £50k a pop to do this.

The result.

Out of business.

Predictions are that 300 of the UK’s 400 independent screens will go bust.  Surely this is a one off case for government intervention.  400 x £50k is a mere £2 million pounds.

If they can sink 500 squillion into the banking network it must be worth a mere £2 million to save a way of life.

Should we start a petition?  I’m up for it.

Some of our runners are missing

Although thankfully everyone has now been found (and safe) I thought it was a little amusing to hear that the runners of a Cumbrian Fell race had ‘lost’ 1700 hundred runners at dawn today.

What’s more, the police had told them not to be silly. The organisers claimed it was just a bit of rain and that’s quite normal in fell races.

This video may or may not persuade you otherwise.


Wouldnae fancy it much.

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