Today I did something I haven’t done for over 20 years.
I auditioned for a show. With FCT (Forth Children’s Theatre) to be precise.
I was in the first ever cast as a 16 year old, 30 years ago, and the show that FCT is putting on next spring (Easter 2009) is ostensibly a “Now that’s what I call FCT” pick of the last 30 years.
So, all current and past cast and crew were called to Leith Academy at 9.30 this morning where we played a game of zip, zap, boing as a warm up, engaged in some improvisation and then learned a dance, correction, the other 50 learned a dance.
I crashed and bashed about like a fool.
I was surrounded by kids from aged 10 through their teens and a bunch of adults who’d come back for this show and every single one of them picked the dance up more or less effortlessly, so that made my abjectness all the more awful and apparent. And the worst thing was that none of them knew me well enough to jeer, send me home packing or make videos and post it to their friends.
For those of you that had to endure this dreadful experience I unreservedly apologise. (It might have scarred some of them for life.)
To say I had seven left feet would be a huge and unneccessary compliment. I know I was rank. Nevertheless, the dancing was part of the audition. Thereafter we learned a song from The Matchgirls – an FCT classic as the Director, Vic called it – and we then had to both dance and perform the song in small groups of 8 to an X Factor type auditions panel.
Well, the judging panel must have thought someone had cross-bred John Cleese with Mr Magoo and thrown in a bit of Dumbo for good measure. I was utterly rank. I was as graceful as a Hippo giving birth, having just been dropped on a trampoline from the top of a tower block.
I truly underachieved.
But, you know what, I think it went quite well, considering.
My singing was OK, although it felt like I had ingested three packets of Imodium 30 seconds before I was due to sing. I had forgotten quite how stomach-churningly terrifying auditions can be, but hey, it’s the same for everyone I suppose.
Anyway they called me back for a second audition tomorrow.
I think there’s a part for a clown going.