Why I love Twitter


It took me a long time to ‘get’ Twitter.

More than half of its now 10 year life.

At first I didn’t see the point and then I didn’t understand how it worked really.

But now I love it.

I love that it brings audiences together at business events.

I love that it enables me to speak to ‘stars’ – musicians, artists (creative types) that would have previously been unattainable to me.

Only this week I conducted a conversation with Kathryn Joseph, the maker of the current Scottish Album of the Year, about the sound of her piano keys on her record..

It’s a leveller.

It’s free.

The stats are magnificent.

Love you darlin’.



#vpt Twitter plays

Screen Shot 2013-10-09 at 12.08.16

I’ve had fun during a quieter than usual week writing plays for the above.

#vpt is the brainchild of the Village Pub in Edinburgh and is being promoted by Thom Dibdin’s excellent Annals of Edinburgh blog and the Royal Lyceum Theatre Company.

The competition is a tie in with Ian Rankin’s Dark Road that is showing at The Lyceum just now and the challenge is to write a crime play in 140 characters or less and enter it via Twitter.

On Friday night the winning entrants will have their plays performed on the Lyceum main stage before Dark Road opens.

I’ve put in a few myself and here are they.

Vote, for fun, not part of the competition, for the ones you like.

If you like any of them that is.

1. Decapitation


A You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!

B Will she be OK do you think?

A You ever seen a decapitee on Strictly?

2. Pisser


toowit toowoo

high pitched barking

fripp, fripp, fripp (crickets)

ssssssssssss (warm water hits moist soil)

“Ah I was dying on that.”

3. Defenestration (Noun: The action of throwing someone or something out of a window.)



-What you talkin’ about?





-You’ll see

-I’m not sure about this (moves)

-SFX (aarghh)

4. Ham and eggs


-If we had some ham

-We could have ham and eggs

-If we had eggs

5. Hootsman


Bloody stupid idea in the Hootsmon the other day.

Some idiot said you could write thrillers in 140 characters


SFX (Thud)

6. Deid



ring ring

ring ring

ring ring

ring ring

ring ring

ring ring

ring ring

ring ring

(sudden silence)

“Jeezus Christ. Fuckin’ Deid.”

7. Fanny


It’s quiet.

Too quiet?


That’s cos thur awe deid, ya fanny.

The Golden Twits

Hats off to the The Drum for thinking up one of the inanest awards schemes ever.  The Golden Twits; a scheme that awards Twitterers for great “Twiting”.  My opinion of Twitter is no secret.  I think it reeks of piss and ham, but I do persevere.

Anyway, I thought I’d enter in a subversive way and this is my entry…

Golden Twits_1256202781531

I hope they take in the spirit it was meant.