How evil is the British public?


Me no likey.

Three rival reality tv programmes have a cuckoo in their respective nests right now. Ann Widdicombe in Strictly; Wagner in XFactor; and Gillian MacKeith in IACGMOOH.

Each is a total loser in their own distinctive way but none more odious than MacKeith. But the point is, if you put power in the public’s hands enough of them will vote contrarily enough to piss off the establishment, whether that be Simon Cowell, Bruce Forsyth or the would be queen of poo herself.

I love this anti voting culture that was started on Facebook last Christmas when Rage Against The Machine undid Simon.

This year anything could happen. Maybe it all started in May when we, as a nation, voted in the worst double act since Jedward.

Whatever the outcome in these hilarious anti-establishment phenomena; the journey is worth it.

The moment of truth


This is the precise second my mate Shaun discovered that his daughter Maria had got 4 Yes’s on X factor.  He is out of control.  Wildly emotional. Orgiastic in his delirium.  Good old Shaun.  Like an Octopus on a trampoline having 240 volts passed through it!

Calm down, calm down!

It’s back!


We love it.

Yay!  Saturday nights at home with a curry a bottle of wine a movie for later, Match of The Day and of course Le Grande Primer!  X Factor is back.  Last night’s opener was as good as ever as questionable judging let some contestants through (like the lamentable wannabe Katie Waissell.)

The show was stolen by Zimbabwean Jock Gamu Nhengu who was absolutely brilliant and carries a heart rending back story too which, of course, is what it’s all about because, let’s face it,  they can all sing including our pal Maria Doherty who got through to Boot Camp last night but was only shown for about 1.1 seconds.

G and S (Gay and Straight) were the night’s comedy high point if you don’t count the aforementioned Katie in which a reasonably competent straight girl is given a second chance after dueting with a mincing twit of Pythonesque proportions who took the gay cause back to the days before John Inman – what a joke.

The Road to the X factor with Maria Doherty


I love X factor, but this year has an added twist.  Our pal, Maria Doherty, is performing.  Well, she’s just headed south to Boot Camp, having got through the auditions; so she will definitely feature at least in the early stages of the programme.

That’s her opening this version of Amazing Grace on The Hour on STV.  She’s the one in the middle.

Come on Maria; we’re all rootin’ and tootin’ for ya.

X factor Alexandra acquitted on murder charge


In an amazing turn up for the books last night Alexandra Burke carried off the performance of Halleluia by Leonard Cohen – but made most famous and poignant by Jeff Buckley.

She did not murder it after all.  Unlike JVC who sent it to hell and back.

It was a smart move to largely echo Buckley’s acoustic guitar treatment of this fine song and only resort to the old Whitney’s at the very end.

Well done Alexandra.  You are free to go with only a suspended sentance.

Good bit of greeting going on here as a result of her win…

Enjoy this while you can


Leonard Cohen’s sublime Hallelujah was never better interpreted than by Jeff Buckley before his untimely death.

This is it live and it is near perfect.

Now for the bad news.

The winner of X factor is singing it as the “winner’s song” and will therefore be the Christmas number one.

Anyway the lyrics are fantastically anti-Christmas (and it seems to me aetheistic) so we have the last laugh…


I heard there was a secret chord
that david played and it pleased the lord
but you don’t really care for music, do you
well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing hallelujah

hallelujah…

well your faith was strong but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
she broke your throne and she cut your hair
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah

hallelujah…

baby i’ve been here before
i’ve seen this room and i’ve walked this floor
i used to live alone before i knew you
i’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah

hallelujah…

well there was a time when you let me know
what’s really going on below
but now you never show that to me do you
but remember when i moved in you
and the holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was hallelujah

well, maybe there’s a god above
but all i’ve ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
it’s not a cry that you hear at night
it’s not somebody who’s seen the light
it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah

hallelujah…