gibberish


Aaaaaarrrggghhhhhhh!!!!
September 6, 2010, 10:27 pm
Filed under: Rants, Scotland, Youtube, golf, humour, sports | Tags: , ,

I fucking hate golf and this is why.
Me at St Andrews earlier today. Playing like a dick.



sweet. the intellectual beauty queen
September 6, 2010, 7:50 pm
Filed under: Youtube, humour, jokes, life | Tags: , , ,




The next generation of browser experience
September 6, 2010, 7:31 pm
Filed under: Arts, Youtube, music | Tags: , ,

The new Arcade Fire video, The Wilderness Downtown, can only be viewed in Google Chrome and is written in a form of interactive Java script that combines Google Street view, video, animation, predictive text, live text creation and a great song.

It’s quite the experience.

I’d suggest you try it out for yourself here.

remarkable stuff.


The September Golf weekend
September 3, 2010, 11:09 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ,

Off to St Andrews in the morning to make a fucking arse of myself.



It’s over between us.
September 3, 2010, 11:05 pm
Filed under: Rants, Scotland, life, sports, stories | Tags: , , ,

I vented so much emotion.  Anger, frustration and angst at the TV screen tonight that I think I cannot take it any more.

Our relationship is over.

All my life it’s been a feisty affair.  Not much give on either side it has to be said.

I know I could have shown you more physical support; stood by you in hard times – but I was focused on my family and career.

But tonight you went a step too far.

You outranked rankness and you truly smelled of piss and ham.

For the first time I thought there really is no way back.

A new start.  A fresh perspective.  Good ideas.  Caution tempered with a plan B.  That was what fueled my anticipation.

But what did I get?

Pish.

That’s what.

And as for Mika - loon - arse...

I am of course referring to Scotland’s inept performance against an equally inept international team in Lithuania tonight.

It was chokingly awful and the worst thing was I genuinely thought Craig Levein might have given us a wee boost.

The commentary by John Robertson on BBC Scotland defied description with his determination to tow the line and respect his mate.  It was awful.  Really, really awful.

And we will not qualify.

This was unquestionably the most important game of the campaign, except for the Czeck repulic at home – or Czecoslovakia as JR insisted on calling them – and we failed.

So, it’s over.  I can now relax and not bother watching the rest.

But it is perplexing.  Why are we so bad now?  At club and at international level?

Are we just unlucky?

Is it cyclical?

I honestly do not know.

By contrast, Andy Murray ripped the throat out of that Jamaican wise guy.

We used to do that on the football pitch.

I just can’t figure it out and it stresses me.

But no more.

Like I say, we’re out now and no need to watch our embarrassing struggle on Tuesday night to scrape a narrow victory to a country with a population smaller than Falkirk.

No need to see us heroically fail to a late goal to Fernando Torres at Hampden.

No need to worry about the 3 – 0 return victory against the Lithuanians when we have no chance of qualifying; when the pressure is off.

We can just blame the fact that money has spoiled the game.

Or something equally lame.

As a commentator on Five Live said before the game.”How come Darren Fletcher is brilliant fotr Man Utd but so average for Scotland?”

I guess it’s because he is surrounded by mediocrity and lack of ambition compared to Man U.

BUT WHY? Answers on a fucking postcard please.



The moment of truth
August 31, 2010, 9:00 am
Filed under: humour, life, stories, tv | Tags: ,

This is the precise second my mate Shaun discovered that his daughter Maria had got 4 Yes’s on X factor.  He is out of control.  Wildly emotional. Orgiastic in his delirium.  Good old Shaun.  Like an Octopus on a trampoline having 240 volts passed through it!

Calm down, calm down!



Meredith Monk. Songs of Ascension at The Royal Lyceum Theatre. Edinburgh Festival 2010

Well, it’s not every day you see a legend in the flesh.  When I say a legend, I don’t mean of Clooneyesque proportions.  I think we’re more in Daliesque territory because Meredith Monk (who records for ECM which might give you a clue) is not what you’d call mainstream.  Approaching 70, she led the line in her own production with grace and conviction.

Her and co writer, Ann Hamilton’s Songs of Ascension (which was commissioned by the wildly applauded Kronos Quartet) is never, ever going to trouble any sort of populist chart any day soon.  And the mass exodus from The theatre after about 15 minutes when it reached the height of “obscurity” was quite tell tale and amusing.

In the foyer beforehand I was told it was, to paraphrase, “pish”.

But it wasn’t.  It’s a devastatingly original smorgasbord of jungle noises, American Indian type language and a range of string and wind instrumentation that goes from dischordant noise to utter beauty in less than a minute.

There’s quite a lot of creepy hippy dancing and some blurry meaningful monochrome video in abundance too.

But.  It works.  I loved it.

Although I guess I’d be a little challenged to explain the plot – other than it’s about nature, getting back to one’s roots and rebirth.  Maybe.

Even Jeana loved it.  Mostly (sort of).

Moments of pure Penguin Cafe Orchestra magic, particularly when what sounded to me like a harmonium was to the fore, just blew me away and actually, if you put your mind to it, you could ignore the silly dances. (She’s famous for her dancing apparently.  But only in hippy circles.)

The choir (I assume put together locally) stole the show in the finale number and we all left happily.

Aah! Apart from the couple behind me who got a flea in their ear from me for chatting through the first 20 minutes.  “If you don’t like it you can leave.” I informed them.  “Some of us are trying to listen to this.”

Up they were shut!

Try this.  You’ll no doubt hate it.



Trotty

I had the not inconsiderable pleasure of spending Thursday evening meeting, introducing and then listening to Dave Trott present at Robbie Smith’s studio in Leith in my role as Head of Client Services at STV.  Thereafter we had a beer or three in the Cafe Royal.

Since then I have been inundated with messages of thanks proclaiming him the best speaker people have ever heard.

Why?

Because although ostensibly this was a talk to creatives about creativity it was, in actual fact, a potted guide to strategy development (which is, of course, at the heart of all creativity).

In his speech he poo pooed the notion that creativity starts with impact.  Because vacuous impact creates no effect other than fueling the egos of lesser art directors.  No; creativity starts with persuasion, by identifying what he often referred to as the, usually disregarded these days, USP, then working through communication (ie the content of the message) before gilding the idea with impact.

Created in this order ads of any kind (and any medium – digital or otherwise) have the ability to “go viral”.

It was all done with a deep and committed single mindedness and lightness of touch that was jaw dropping in its simplicity, but eye opening in its possibility.

Dave Trott. You are a genius  Just like Cloughie!

And then to top it all off Doug Cook sent me this astounding picture.

Me and Trotty. David and Goliath.



Steven Sondheim’s Putting it Together by random act theatre company
August 22, 2010, 11:50 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

This London based theatre company (with a strong Scottish core)  brings a 5 header cast and 5 strong orchestra to Edinburgh to perform a fast paced review of Sondheim’s finest. (Although only one Sweeney song makes the cut.  Boo hoo.)  It deftly demonstrates just how brilliant Sondheim is lyrically and musically although with a relatively small cast it’s the lyrics that take centre stage, despite outstanding moments of musical magic.

It would need a larger ensemble to bring out the more complex choral harmonies that shows like Into the Woods and Sweeney have.

That said, we have a multitude of brilliant songs to pick from, and carefully segued they are with a storyline that sews them all together.  Certainly alcohol, in the form of a lounge life culture that permeates Manhattan, features strongly as does love, relationships, doubt, despair and commitment.

The stand out performance, for me, was “Not getting married” from Company that took the breath away with the vocal gymnastics required to deliver it by Gayle Telfer-Stevens.  The show also benefited enormously from the delightful lugubriousness of Adam Woodhouse throughout.  All the cast can sing. Really sing! And the orchestra, led by FCT past MD, Neil Somerville, is subtle, controlled and seemingly note perfect throughout.

All in all, a lovely late nite show and, for Sondheim enthusiasts, a festival must see.

Five stars.

Augustine’s Venue 152

9th – 15th August @ 22.50pm

17 – 30th August @ 23.40pm

£10/£8

And, dear reader, a Brucie bonus!  Here is Sondheim masterclassing Not Getting Married.  A wee peachy moment.



It’s back!

We love it.

Yay!  Saturday nights at home with a curry a bottle of wine a movie for later, Match of The Day and of course Le Grande Primer!  X Factor is back.  Last night’s opener was as good as ever as questionable judging let some contestants through (like the lamentable wannabe Katie Waissell.)

The show was stolen by Zimbabwean Jock Gamu Nhengu who was absolutely brilliant and carries a heart rending back story too which, of course, is what it’s all about because, let’s face it,  they can all sing including our pal Maria Doherty who got through to Boot Camp last night but was only shown for about 1.1 seconds.

G and S (Gay and Straight) were the night’s comedy high point if you don’t count the aforementioned Katie in which a reasonably competent straight girl is given a second chance after dueting with a mincing twit of Pythonesque proportions who took the gay cause back to the days before John Inman – what a joke.



Män som hatar kvinnor (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)

Loomi Rapace. The Girl with the drago tattoo.

In true Bergmanesque fashion this languid Swedish gem of a movie starts slowly and gradually speeds up to walking pace.  But let that not put you off.  It’s an understated little gem of a thriller that gradually unfolds with a complex and multilayered story that is packed full of repressed sexual abuse messages.

At its core a political activist and writer (Michael Niqvist playing Michael Blomqvist) is hired by an industrialist to solve the 40 year old mystery around the disappearance of a slightly loopy teenage girl.  Running simultaneously is the back story of a young super hacker (Lisbeth played by Noomi Rapace).  Although a lesbian she gradually falls for, 30 years her senior, Blomqvist.

Everything about this movie is subtle, even the fact that at no point in the movie is there any reference to its title, other than in one beautifully shot scene and even then it’s almost incidental.  The chemistry between Lisbeth and Blomqvist is so delicate you think it will shatter at any second, instead it grows millimetre by millimetre into a great double act.  For that one has to applaud director Neils Adren Oplev whose work is unfamiliar to me.

It’s to be released next year as a Holywood remake with Daniel Craig replacing Blomqvist in the male lead role but bravely, the studio has stuck with the beguiling Rapace in the title role and =as it’s to be irected by Michael Fincher we can expect good things because at the core lies a brilliant story that has been brilliantly written.  (in fact in many ways this movie reminded me – albeit in a much lower key way – of Se7en.)

It centres around abuse of all kinds, fundamentally sexual, but also racial and religious all wrapped together in a neat package that carries a strong moral and emotional punch and the good news is that the other two books in this series have also been filmed by the same team and are due for release BEFORE Hollywood enters the fray.

It’s out on DVD now but please choose to watch it the way it was intended. In Swedish with subtitles, not the coward’s way out (overdubbed in English).



Gibberish? The Whistle by Charles Murray.
August 19, 2010, 12:34 pm
Filed under: Arts, Scotland, life, stories | Tags: , ,

This is the tale of a herd-lad who ‘cuts a sappy sucker’ from a rowan tree to make a home-made whistle. Having a good ear, he quickly learns traditional tunes and delights the locals with his playing.
THE WHISTLE
He cut a sappy sucker from the muckle rodden-tree,
He trimmed it, an’ he wet it, an’ he thumped it on his knee ;
He never heard the teuchat when the harrow broke her eggs,
He missed the craggit heron nabbin’ puddocks in the seggs,
He forgot to hound the collie at the cattle when they strayed,
But you should hae seen the whistle that the wee herd made !

He wheepled on’t at mornin’ an’ he tweetled on’t at nicht’
He puffed his freckled cheeks until his nose sank oot o’ sicht,
The kye were late for milkin’ when he piped them up the closs,
The kitlin’s got his supper syne, an’ he was beddit boss ;
But he cared na doit nor docken what they did or thocht or said,
There was comfort in the whistle that the wee herd made.

For lyin’ lang o’ mornin’s he had clawed the caup for weeks,
But noo he had his bonnet on afore the lave had breeks ;
He was whistlin’ to the porridge that were hott’rin on the fire,
He was whistlin’ ower the travise to the baillie in the byre ;
Nae a blackbird nor a mavis, that hae pipin’ for their trade,
Was a marrow for the whistle that the wee herd made.

He played a march to battle, it cam’ dirlin’ through the mist,
Till the halflin squared his shou’ders an’ made up his mind to ‘list ;
He tried a spring for wooers, though he wistna what it meant,
But the kitchen-lass was lauchin’ an’ he thocht she maybe kent ;
He got ream an’ buttered bannocks for the lovin’ lilt he played.
Wasna that a cheery whistle that the wee herd made ?

He blew them rants sae lively, schottisches, reels, an’ jigs,
The foalie flang his muckle legs an’ capered ower the rigs,
The grey-tailed futt’rat bobbit oot to hear his ain strathspey,
The bawd cam’ loupin’ through the corn to “Clean Pease Strae” ;
The feet o’ ilka man an’ beast gat youkie when he played -
Hae ye ever heard o’ whistle like the wee herd made ?

But the snaw it stopped the herdin’ an’ the winter brocht him dool,
When in spite o’ hacks an’ chilblains he was shod again for school ;
He couldna sough the catechis nor pipe the rule o’ three,
He was keepit in an’ lickit when the ither loons got free ;
But he aften played the truant – ’twas the only thing he played,
For the maister brunt the whistle that the wee herd made !


This is like really funny, yah?
August 19, 2010, 11:56 am
Filed under: Rants, humour, jokes, life | Tags: , ,




Is this FCT’s last radical road trip?

WPC McBulldog dumped all 70 of us FCT members off the back of our float at the end of last Sunday’s Festival Cavalcade, leaving us transportless and facing the long walk back to Bangholm which, in fact Izzie and nine intrepid explorers embarked upon.  The rest of us were left to ponder the demise of a tradition of 30 years where we all travel to Holyrood Park (or Princes Street in the old days) on the back of a 40 ft Artic.

So, for those of you who’ve shared the fun, have one last nostalgic look at Cavalcade 2010 starting at Bangholm as we left our spiritual home and later as we took the second of two wrong routes to the start.

It was a hoot.



The suburbs by arcade fire
August 6, 2010, 9:14 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

If you,like me, were secretly a bit disappointed by Neon Bible in all it’s shreikiness (barring the excellent No Cars Go) you might be pleased to hear that The Suburbs is more than just a return to form, it might in fact be a career high.

It really is that good.

It’s (whisper again) a concept album (so what, Midlake have pulled it off twice. Ed) about life in the suburbs and hints at Win and Regine planning babies.

Much more textured than either of its much copied predecessors and breaks new, more melodious ground. Some of the highlights actually get the hackles up and others, although more whimsical really engage you. I’m thinking specifically of Rococo here which I know will not stand the test of time but is a real first listen icebreaker.

Truly wonderful. Buy!



Tom’s brilliant golf career
July 30, 2010, 6:51 pm
Filed under: Scotland, family, golf | Tags: , , ,

Amazingly Tom went round Ratho in Three over par (72) this morning and one under (68) this afternoon (both in Junior medals) which means his handicap has been cut over the course of this week from 10 to 6!  He’s been threatening this for weeks but hasn’t happened, however his recent lesson at the excellent driving range at Linlithgow must have played a part.

Very proud!



Lib Dem success through the back passage? Brokeback coalition is facing a rough ride.
July 30, 2010, 6:40 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

I realise I am not overly qualified to comment on defence budgeting but I will nevertheless.  That’s what blogging’s all about after all.

So, I think it’s interesting that Gideon Osborne has decided that the Trident Project can continue (keeps Tory voters at bay) but the MOD must fund it through its own resources (Keeps Lib Dem supporters engaged).

The MOD has a £36bn resource budget (which is to be cut by 10 – 20% – thereby focussing our minds on pointless wars.  We all know what those are.)  It also has a £9bn capital budget which is currently earmarked primarily, I think, for 100 new jet fighters and two new aircraft carriers.  That now has to include Trident.  So, what would you do?

Certainly I was with the Lib Dems, in policy terms, in that I believe money on defence could be spent more effectively in other areas than Trident and that’s looking like the outcome now.

But I very much doubt that one can put this down to brilliant negotiation by Nick Clegg;  just pure pragmatism by Gideon (who continues to surprise me with his apparent lack of total shitness).

Meanwhile the LIb Dem’s referendum looks like being derailed in the Lords. (And in Scotland.)

So, will this effectively derail the coalition too?

Depends if it becomes a lovers tiff (a la Brokeback Coalition) or a deal breaking divorce.



Hibs ineptness saved by Greg Macvean

Hibs result in Slovenia last night defies comment.  Instead I will concentrate on the plus side.

This utter masterpiece of a sports photo of our inept moron of a manager, John Hughes captured like, well, an inept moron of a manager by Edinburgh photographer Greg Macvean.

Thank you Greg.  Hope this wins the prizes it deserves.



Approaching a million views…
July 29, 2010, 7:14 pm
Filed under: WordPress, stories | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Just noticed that my blog hit 900,000 views the other day.  At the current hit rate it should hit the million some time in October!



Yosemite, the way it was…
July 29, 2010, 7:11 pm
Filed under: Arts, photography | Tags: , ,

We visited Glacier Point on our recent trip to Yosemite.  Great viewpoint of Half Dome.  But this is a different league.  How they did it in 1890.



The Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi scandal
July 27, 2010, 11:49 pm
Filed under: Rants, Scotland, business, politics | Tags: , , ,

It rumbles.

It should.

So the Americans are being absolute asses in DEMANDING the attendance of Macaskill, Salmond, Blair and BP and they got, err, none of them to attend.

That’s OK though because that was the US being domineering fucks.

However, what about the reason why they were taking this stance?

Well. it’s clear that everything about this whole shabby affair is unclear.

It’s also clear that BP are at it.

That the SNP are lying.

Tony Bliar[sic] has always been at it.

And the current UK government is (hilariously) a Brokeback Coalition.

It’s a freaking shambles.

I’ve admitted many times that I agree Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi is probably a stooge, but, if he’s a stooge the initial convenience of making him that has to be followed through OR admit he was framed.

NEITHER has happened and that’s what pisses me off.

The Americans are rightly incensed about it but have the political subtlety of Bush, despite Obama.

They’re actually really shite just now; don’t you think?

George W Obama?

One last thing.

That fucking idiot that was running BP?

Nice one mate; play a total loser role for six months and get millions to go away.

I’m jealous like.



The Lyceum Youth Theatre; Summer on Stage

For the second year running I found myself at the opening night of Summer on Stage, an extraordinary theatrical venture that gives young people a truly great experience.  As it happens I was sat next to a lovely lady from Cairn Energy who was one of the founders of the whole thing and I have to say she was as blown away as I was.

The evening consisted of two productions, one for younger children (up to about 16 I’d say) and one for older youths.  The former was a charming tale called The Musicians in which a “shite” school orchestra arrived in Russia to perform as part of a cultural exchange, only to find that their instruments had been impounded at the airport because a spliff had been found in one of the cases.  The spliff had been secreted there because the doting flautists in the orchestra had hoped to use it medicinally to calm down the highly excitable conducter played excellently by Louis Plummer.

In the end the performance was mimed to Tchiakovsky’s 4th Symphony but inspired by the supportive (eventually) intervention of two hilarious stage hands/cleaners who stole the show (Keir Aitken and Samuel Adams).

The second performance, A Vampire Story, is a highly complex meeting of 19th Century vampirism with contemporary mental health issues and is quite stunning.  Both shows shared basically the same simple but highly effective set but in this one the set was used to meld two very different eras very effectively.  Although dark in content it is also hilarious in parts; it deals with the story of a teenage girl who clearly has become delusional and is creating a fantasy world of vampires as she seeks (with the help of her sister ) to escape the grasp of the authorities by constantly moving on.  On her journey she encounters another lost soul in the form of a home taught kid who is similarly trying to escape the attentions of his eccentric parents.  I can’t tell from the programme who played what parts but all of the principles were phenomenal and a special word has to go to the dotty teacher, Mint, played by Blair Grandison.  (The Home Economics teacher, Filet, who was played by Emma Mckenna was a class character part and I recognise the girl who played the part from previous Lyceum Youth performances – a real talent).

Director Steve Mann made a considerable impression on me with this show because the content was complex, the movement difficult and the pace very important.  All were delivered perfectly in a great technical set up so that what emerged was a highly professional production that replicated the sort of conditions that professional rep actors and technicians have to (and most certainly had to) work under;   short time scales to learn and perfect the the performances.  In this case A Vampire Story was created in under three weeks and The Musicians in under two.

As a kid, I’d have loved to have had this opportunity and so hats off to The Lyceum for making this happen and also to Cairn Energy for supporting it financially.



Mercury Prize shortlist announced in the morning
July 19, 2010, 8:49 pm
Filed under: Arts, music | Tags:

It’s been a great year for music.  Even British music. Here’s what I’d predict to see on it.

Field Music

Tracey Thorn

Paul Weller (not that great though)

Massive attack

Hot Chip

Bombay Bicycle Club

British Sea Power

Four Tet

Frightened Rabbit

Corrine Bailey Rae (not great but has a sympathy vote)

Laura Marling

Potico Quartet

Wild Beasts

Oh, and Mumford and Sons for the Pop vote

(I have no real insight into Jazz, classical and folk to predict what reps they will have but that Polar Bear chappie is quite productive so might see him.)

And my predicted winner from that?

Laura Marling, (or Feild Music or Wild Beasts or Hot Chip)

Let’s see in the morning eh!



The Illusionist. Drat…

It was my great privelege to be invited to the world premiere of Sylvain Chomet’s follow up to Belleville Rendez-Vous.

Set in Edinburgh and produced by an old pal of mine, Bob Last, I had very high expectations indeed.  Not least because it is not every day that one of the world’s most beautiful cities (my own) would be caught in artful majesty for years to come.  And indeed it was.  Edinburgh is a eal star of this charming but very slight movie.

The city shimmers throughout, but the story sadly does not.  It reminded me of  a novel by Irish writer, William Trevor, called Felicia’s Journey in which a young girl is taken into the trust of an older man.  In that book (and subsequent film starring Bob Hoskins) and this, there is a slight air of seediness. (That’s maybe going too far in the case of The Illusionist but the comparison was palpable for me.)

Why the protection?  What are the man’s motives?  I found it mildly uncomfortable.  The fact is, in neither case are the intentions, apparently, anything more than protective; but somehow the feeling persists in both that all may not be as it seems.

Belleville Rendez-Vous arrived on the film scene like a bolt from the blue.  This, sadly, suffers from that difficult second film syndrome.  It oozes class and charm from every pore.  It looks sublime.  But the story (a Jaques Tati cast off) fails to deliver.  It simply does not have the muscle to sustain 90 minutes of screen time.

A real shame because it has a great deal of merit.

Heart? 8/10.

Head? 6/10



The Road to the X factor with Maria Doherty
July 18, 2010, 8:45 pm
Filed under: Scotland, life, music, stories, tv | Tags: , ,

I love X factor, but this year has an added twist.  Our pal, Maria Doherty, is performing.  Well, she’s just headed south to Boot Camp, having got through the auditions; so she will definitely feature at least in the early stages of the programme.

That’s her opening this version of Amazing Grace on The Hour on STV.  She’s the one in the middle.

Come on Maria; we’re all rootin’ and tootin’ for ya.



Release of Abdelbaset al-Megrahi a mistake, government says
July 17, 2010, 10:37 am
Filed under: Rants, Scotland, life, politics, stories | Tags: , ,

Oh really?

Was that not what I was saying loudly and singlemindedly 11 months ago?

Not only is the fucker still alive but it now apperas that BP lobbied the government to help it in securing oil deals in Libya.

What a lot of fucking shit.



yosemite hills
July 16, 2010, 5:07 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized



yosemite hills

Originally uploaded by mark gorman.



half dome mono
July 16, 2010, 5:06 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized



half dome mono

Originally uploaded by mark gorman.



yosemite hills
July 16, 2010, 5:05 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized



yosemite hills

Originally uploaded by mark gorman.



yoesmite
July 16, 2010, 5:04 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized



yoesmite

Originally uploaded by mark gorman.