Omnishambles

This word is trending right now.

It’s trending because of the Olympics because they’re threatening to go Pete Tong (but won’t) but really the word could apply to a lot of things and it has the potential to become a real favourite of mine.

It could apply to the Easyjet check in process that I experienced at Naples airport last week.  Well, when I say process I mean complete lack of process.  It truly was an omnishambles and could have been solved so simply with a bit of literal (not even lateral) thinking.  Four flights checking in at around the same time (over about 40 minutes) and five check in desks one dedicated to fast pass check in that nobody was using because we ain’t falling for another way for SleasyJet to rip a tenner out of you) but anybody could check in to any desk.  The result?  As each flight became perilously close to gate closure all the remaining passengers were called to the front in a massive scrum – the worst case being 50 schoolkids headed to the front of the queue that we were in and held us up for half an hour.  Truly, miraculously stupid.  The solution.  One desk per flight and if you arrive late you miss your flight.  Simple.

It could apply to David Cameron and his House of Lords debacle.  Frankly it could apply to David Cameron.  Full Stop.

It could apply to Rangers FC and the entire farce that has attended the unraveling of their legacy of cheating.

It could apply to the mess that Lothian and Borders Police made of traffic managing the closure of the Edinburgh Bypass on Saturday when I nearly missed my dear Friend Kennny Harris’ funeral (as it happened I was 50 minutes late).

You see, omnishambles could become omnipresent in my vocabulary.  Look forward to it.

Have a heart Walter

Much as I admired Rangers’ desperately pragmatic grinding out of a result against Manchekster Utd last night I felt Walter Smith’s defence of his strategy lacked humility today.

In it he bemoaned the fact that he had to adopt those tactics to hold any chance of a result against the wealthier teams of the league. He pointed out that 85% of Premiership teams have no chance of winning that league and that The Champions League is much the same!

Hello!

The only reason Rangers are even participating is because they benefit from precisely the same financial domination as those teams enjoy in their respective leagues. The difference is that I don’t see Man Utd or AC Milan pillaging the talent of their fellow league mates in an attempt to bury their ambitions.

Walter. Put a sock in it. Have a heart. Look in your back yard before you mouth off.

Cheerio then

I am not, and never have been, a fan of George Burley.  The performance by Scotland against Wales on Saturday defied description in the first half.  At 3-0 down we gave away a stone wall penalty that wasn’t given and Marshall, the goalie, should have been sent off.  So that would have been 4-0 with ten men.  We’d no doubt have shut up shop at that point and sloped off with a four goal defeat.  As it was we lost to a bunch of schoolboys by three.

He had to go.  And go he has.

Our game is a mess.  I mean, let’s face it, Hibs are within a win of topping the league despite a makeshift team in parts and having sold 11 internationalists in five years.  How is that possible?  I’lll tell you how.  Because everyone else is dreadful.  And if you want proof of that look at Rangers’ and Celtic’s positions in their European groups.  Both bottom, neither with a pot washed.

Investment in Scottish football’s youth (outside of Easter Road) is lamentable and that’s why that old saying “There’s no easy games in international football” is true once again.  Scotland is an easy game.  Falkirk went out of Europe to a team from Leichtenstien.

Lichstentsien!

In the past, had a Scottish team drawn a team from Lichstentsien we’d have needed a calculator to work out the aggregate score.

So back to Burley.  Cheerio and good riddance I say.  We’ve had two clowns in charge (Burley and Vogts).  It seems remarkable that the rose between those two thorns was dour old Walter Smith who got the team playing again, reaching unheard of heights.

He leaves?  Splash, right back in the poo.
Smith is sitting in the Ibrox ejector seat so I suspect the SFA will make the predictable decision to send him a parachute.  Indeed this may all be part of a “plan”.

By the way.  Check out 60 Watt’s topical Scotsman.com ad in  The Scotsman.

Kris Boyd to be sold to a richer club. Oh isn’t that awful.

Don’t cry for me argy bargy.

It makes me laugh till I spew reading the angst emanating from Ibrox about Kris Boyd being sold.  What?  The family jewels sold off to a bigger and richer club, (Birmingham City) just when they were doing well.

Well, now you know how it feels!

Thomson, Miller, Whittaker, Murray and, over the fence, Caldwell, Killen, Riordan, Brown and that’s probably not all of them that have been ripped out of Easter Road in the last few years and it’s no different at Hearts or Dundee Utd.

Shadenfruede?

You bet.

(Oh and I believe they’re after Andy Driver at Hearts.  Bloody hypocrites.)

Hearts reserves 2 – 1 Rangers

Och.

That’s pathetic.

But at least Romanov might recoup some of his utter embarrassment at Hearts.

As for Celtic?  Ho, ho, ho.

The bottom line?

Hibs – a European disaster.

Rangers – A European calamity.

Dundee Utd – Another European embarassement.

It’s a long way from Old Trafford isn’t it.

Sir Walter, The Scot

Is Walter Smith the greatest football manager Scottish football has ever enjoyed?

I think so.

I was in Glasgow tonight to witness, in a pub, the effect this remarkable man has had on a patently average football team. Not only has he achieved greatness for Rangers Football Club but he has done so with six Scottish players on the pitch. Sadly, two of them Hibbies.

Clearly Rangers were not actually better than Fiorentina (or Werder Bemen, or Sporting Lisbon) but they beat them all- this is not typically Scottish behaviour.

But a Scottish team, is in a European Final.

This is genuinely something to celebrate.

C’mon the Gers!

Golf with a 7 Iron

My mate Mike is a rubbish golfer. He can’t hit a driver to save himself but he’s solid with a 7 iron. Plop, plop , plop goes each shot, down the middle, sinks the putt and it’s a par.

It’s real safety officer stuff but it grinds out results.

So, to Rangers.

Their European campaign, although succesful is like playing golf with a 7 iron. Nothing ventured, nothing ventured.

It makes you weep how dull and unimaginative it is. It’s horrific. But hey, the ends might just justify the means.

Whatever.

Football’s gone bonkers

The Cabbage could get into Europe.

Hearts could win the Diddy League. (Although, if memory serves me correctly Mr Romanov predicted that they should be, about now, in the Semi Finals of the Champion’s League defending last year’s title)

Carlisle United look like getting promoted two years’ running.

Queen of the South, yes, Queen of the South are in tomorrow’s Scottish Cup Final.  If they win they’ll be dancing in the streets of Queen of the South (in fact by all accounts they already are.

Cardiff City are in the English FA Cup Final and they’re not even English.

Rangers are in the EUFA Cup Semi Final.

I blame it on global warming.

New highs for Scottish Football. The best week ever?

Aberdeen 1 – 1 Dnipro

Aberdeen qualify on away goals for group stages (surely not; we always go OUT on away goals.)

This video is the best I could dredge up. not good…

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Celtic 2 – 1 AC Milan

Magnificent performance to beat the Champions of Europe. The match was only marred by the idiot who came on at the end to celebrate, but what about the goalie’s reaction?

Two words…Cheating scumbag.

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Lyon 0 – 3 Rangers

I think it is particularly enjoyable to watch Lyon’s humiliation in French. Sacre Bleu, Quel Horror, Horrible, Merde. So here you are.

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Saving the best for last; sure, Rangers rode their luck, but to beat one of Europe’s leading teams 3 – 0 away from home is quite extraordinary and from front to back the Rangers team can hold their heads high.

Masterful.

On the back of the Scotland victory v France we are a nation again.

Wait until the Cabbage play in the Champions League next year. The Champions of Europe may reside in Scotland.